AUSTIN, TXIn an effort to avoid humiliating themselves in front of their fellow conservatives, elected officials in Texas used a burner email to request funds from the Federal Emergency Management Agency following last weeks devastating floods, sources reported Thursday. I set up an anonymous account, floodmoney@hotmail.com, and shamefully requested more than $70 million in disaster assistance for Texans, Gov. Greg Abbott admitted in a private conversation, saying he used a browser in Incognito mode and typed DISCREET in the subject line. Asking for handouts to assist grieving families is really embarrassing, so I looked over my shoulder constantly while writing the email and asked FEMA to put the money on prepaid cards that victims could easily cut up afterwards. Im confident no one will find out about our states disgraceful need for food and shelter, because I wrote delete after reading at the end of the message. Of course, I also destroyed my laptop once I was done. At press time, Texas officials reportedly remained too ashamed of the funds to distribute them to any of their constituents.The post Texas Politicians Used Burner Email To Request FEMA Funds appeared first on The Onion.