London Breed has said little in the year since she left office. She has thoughts on the praise that the current mayor, Daniel Lurie, has received.

Studying tree rings helped scientists pinpoint when Mount Rainier last sent a lahar down its steep slopes, which could help planners anticipate future mudflows.

With no dragons and no warring dynasties, HBOs A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms is the first test of whether the Thrones formula works on a human scale.

The Council speaker, Julie Menin, will introduce bills that would establish a buffer zone at houses of worship to keep protesters at some distance from congregants.

Both sides in the labor dispute appear poised for a protracted battle, and only one of three hospitals was negotiating with the strikers.

The bride and groom tied the knot this year, 2025, but you wouldnt know it considering she walked down the aisle to a fucking Lumineers song.The post Rosemarie Sheppard and Martin Lang appeared first on The Onion.

MONROE, MICiting its ongoing mission to provide customers with the pinnacle of comfort and relaxation, upholstered furniture mainstay La-Z-Boy announced Friday that its latest line of Jasper Rocking Recliners would feature fully adjustable morphine drips.Theres no better way to relax than with our luxurious recliners and a steady stream of opioids flowing right into your veins, said La-Z-Boy spokesperson Marie Hampton, showing off a new easy chairs plush woven chenille IV bag and 10 preprogrammed morphine settings, which according to company marketing materials range from drowsy numbness to metabolic coma. Once youre done, theres a convenient sharps disposal built into the armrest. So go ahead: Just recline, set your morphine drip to the desired delivery level, and drift away into a deeppossibly endlesssleep.Hampton added that for an additional fee each recliner could also be outfitted with an Italian leather breathing mask and high-quality mahogany bedpan.The post La-Z-Boy Introduces Adjustable Morphine Drip appeared first on The Onion.

The post Howie Mandel Ricocheted Down Hall As The Jennifer Hudson Show Spirit Tunnel Reaches Max Velocity appeared first on The Onion.

Dear Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest,Im a single mom with a 2-year-old son, and the people in the apartment above us play loud music that wakes him from his naps. They turn it down when I ask, but the volume always goes back up a few minutes later. The landlord, unfortunately, refuses to get involved. Is it time to file a noise complaint with the police? My little guy needs his sleep! Cautious In ConcordDear Cautious,Okay. So, listen. You are, like, one of my best friends. Seriously. Youre, like, such a good person. Anybody in this bar asks me, Ill tell em straight up: This guy is the best! Youre the best, and thats why the drinks are on me tonight. All of the drinks. So, dude, you know Ill always tell you the truth, right? Because honesty is everything to me. Everything. So. I really wanna tell you something. I really wannahey, okay, lets just do one more shot first.Dear Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest,I wrote in a few months ago about getting my kids to help with the chores, and I wanted to let you know your advice worked like a charm! Not only are they chipping in around the house more, but Ive noticed an increase in their self-esteem and overall work ethic. Thank you so much for your helpnow if only I could get my husband to take your advice!Grateful In GeorgiaDear Grateful,Its so damn good to see you, man. Like, for real, Ive been wanting to talk to you for fuckin ever. Since, like, Evans wedding. What was that, two years ago? Three years? Holy shit, dude. Were getting older. Fuck. Were, like, becoming our dads. Whered that bartender go? Whew! Fuckin Jim Beam, man. Beam me up, Scotty! Ha ha. Your dad was always good to me, though. Your mom, too. Youve got a great family, dude. And your sister. Ashley. Man, shes likeno offense, but youre lucky shes your sister. Seriously. She ever mention me?Dear Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest,I run a small art gallery, and next month were opening a new space with work by some very important artists. Unfortunately, my parents have never approved of my life choices and are still angry with me for not joining the family construction business. I really want to invite them to my opening, but we havent spoken in over a year and Im scared theyll say no. What should I do?Prospering In ProvoDear Prospering,I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, listen. Look, look, look. Listen. I know.Look. Wait, you see that guy there? That guy. Hes got the same fuckin shoes as me. You see that? Same shoes! Same fuckin color and everything. Listen, man, Im so glad were having this conversation.Dear Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest,My husband is retiring at the end of the year, and while Ive been encouraging him to pick up some hobbies, he just wont listen. He tends to get depressed without something to occupy his time, though hed never admit it. (His father was the same way!) How can I gently nudge him into a healthy pastime?Determined In DenverDear Determined,Sometimes, like, I will just look in the mirror and stare at myself and have, like, no idea who Im even looking at. You ever do that? Its, like, fuuuuuuuuuck, you know? Because I know Im thereI know, like, Im fuckin real and shit. But I try to look into the eyes, and those eyes, theyre just staring back at me, but, like, theres nothing. Just fuckinnothing. Hey, I gotta take a piss. You good or do you need another?Dear Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest,After four years, my girlfriend and I finally got a place together, and I couldnt be happier. The only problem is, shes making the spare room all nice and tidy so her sister can stay over when she visits from Asheville, and Id rather just have it be a chill spot where I can relax and play video games. Shouldnt I have more say in the matter? Help! Restless In RaleighDear Restless,Id fuckin take a bullet for you. For real. For you, and for your sister. I loveI love you. So, like, I gotta come clean about this shit. Because I literally love you and would die for you, so I cant live with myself if Im not, like, 100% honest with you. Come here, man. Look at me. Oh fuck. Listen. Ready? Okay. Sooh shit, is this Outkast? This is my jam. My baby dont mess around because she messed around and she dont know what for! Thats Andr 3000! I love Andr 3000. And you, and your family. Its all love, man. The post Ask A Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest appeared first on The Onion.

Medical drama The Pitt, which won five Emmys and two Golden Globes in its first season, is back for season two. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the series.Q: Do I need to watch season one first?A: No, you can get the gist of it by shooting yourself in the leg and calling an ambulance.Q: Over what 15-hour period does it take place?A: This season sees the ER inundated with hundreds of severe brain freeze victims over the course of National Ice Cream Day.Q: Does Langdon return?A: Yes, though he is now called Langdon the White.Q: Is anyone new joining the cast?A: Zendaya is briefly seen wandering in from the Euphoria soundstage to use The Pitts restroom.Q: How have fans reacted so far?A: Many viewers were puzzled by Dr. Robbys decision to commute to work on a motorcycle while holding a loaded gun in his mouth.Q: Will the staff ever escape the hospital?A: Only when they finally find the magic key.The post What To Know About Season 2 Of The Pitt appeared first on The Onion.

Its cute and practical!READ MORE...

Kaitlin Jokinen (@kaitlinathome) has the kind of home you want to get comfy in: Her 1930s apartment in Denver is an ode to all things cozy, whimsical, and sweetly nostalgic. Kaitlin decorates with an eye for patterns and a penchant for crafty DIYs, like re-covering a secondhand bench for her kitchenette or painting butter-yellow stripes on a plain white dresser. Add touches like lit candles and lush houseplants, and you have a cottagecore retreat with homey, lived-in texture.READ MORE...

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Urns containing the remains of Cuban officers, who were killed during the U.S. operation in Venezuela that captured Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro, are displayed at the Ministry of the Revolutionary Armed Forces in Havana, Cuba, Thursday, Jan. 15, 2026. (AP Photo/Jorge Luis Banos)2026-01-16T13:39:30Z HAVANA (AP) Tens of thousands of Cubans demonstrated Friday outside the U.S. Embassy in Havana to decry the killing of 32 Cuban officers in Venezuela and demand that the U.S. government release former Venezuelan President Nicols Maduro.They crowded into the open-air Jos Mart Anti-Imperialist plaza across from the embassy in a rally organized by the Cuban government as tensions between Cuba and the U.S. spike following the U.S. attack Jan. 3 on Venezuela.The 32 Cuban officers were part of Maduros security detail killed during the raid on his residence in Caracas to seize the former leader and bring him to the U.S. to face drug trafficking charges.Humanity is experiencing something very complex, and (the US) is governed by a president who considers himself an emperor, said Ren Gonzlez, 64, one of the protesters. We must show him that ideas are worth more than weapons, he said. This march is a message of our unity. Independence is sacred, and we will defend it tooth and nail if necessary. Cubas national hymn rang out at Fridays demonstration as large Cuban flags waved in the chilly wind and big waves broke nearby along Havanas famed pier. President Miguel Daz-Canel shook hands with members of the crowd clad in jackets and scarves before speaking to them. The current U.S. administration has opened the door to an era of barbarism, plunder and neo-fascism, he said. The demonstration was a show of popular strength after U.S. President Donald Trump recently demanded that Cuba make a deal with him before it is too late. He did not explain what kind of deal.Trump also has said that Cuba will no longer live off Venezuelas oil and money. Experts say the move could have catastrophic consequences since Cuba is already struggling with severe blackouts.No one here surrenders, Daz-Canel said. The current emperor of the White House and his infamous secretary of state havent stopped threatening me. Washington has maintained a policy of sanctions against Cuba since the 1960s to pressure the islands government to improve its human rights record, end its one-party communist system and allow democracy. The sanctions have been further tightened during Trumps presidency, suffocating the islands economy.Cuba does not have to make any political concessions, and that will never be on the table for negotiations aimed at reaching an understanding between Cuba and the United States, Daz-Canel said. It is important that they understand this. We will always be open to dialogue and improving relations between our two countries, but only on equal terms and based on mutual respect.After the presidents speech, the demonstration transitioned into a parade that Cubans call a combatant march, a custom that originated during the time of the late leader Fidel Castro. The crowd was led by a line of people holding pictures of the 32 officers killed.Down with imperialism! the crowd yelled. Cuba will prevail!The demonstration was organized a day after tens of thousands of Cubans gathered at the headquarters of the Ministry of the Armed Forces to pay their respects to the 32 officers slain.Their remains arrived home on Thursday morning, and they are scheduled to be laid to rest on Friday afternoon in various cemeteries following memorial ceremonies in all of Cubas provincial capitals.___Associated Press reporter Dnica Coto in San Juan, Puerto Rico contributed to this report.

Nature, Published online: 16 January 2026; doi:10.1038/d41586-026-00194-8Nature staff discuss some of the weeks top science news.

The Golden Knights and Sabres charge into the top 10, while the Flyers, Penguins and Rangers drop.

While Nozzolillo didn't get into the game, he did get to suit up -- and have a night to remember.

The Bucks and Antetokounmpo currently sit in 11th place ahead of the trade deadline. What are their options?

Tim Bontemps and Brian Windhorst have the latest intel on 10 teams with major deadline decisions.

The coldest-ever postseason game remains the 1967 "Ice Bowl" between Green Bay and Dallas.

From Iraq to ICE, Jonathan Rosss career reflects a 20-year government effort to reshape immigration enforcement with a military mind-set.

The Nobel Committee has said the prize cannot be transferred, but it has been sold in a few auctions over the awards history.

A court handed down five years in prison to former President Yoon Suk Yeol, who is facing multiple trials stemming from his short-lived imposition of martial law.

The Late Night host said there was no way President Trump drank milk, unless someone tricked you into thinking your Diet Coke came from a cow.

The shutdown of online discourse within Iran has allowed both the government and its critics to flood social media outside the country with disinformation campaigns and fake images.

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Nature, Published online: 16 January 2026; doi:10.1038/d41586-026-00146-2As Robert F. Kennedy Jr slashes the US childhood vaccine roster, Japan is racing to make up for lost ground after decades of setbacks.

Gotham FC and United States women's national team midfielder Rose Lavelle has been voted U.S. Soccer's Female Player of the Year for 2025.

Steve Alexander highlights fantasy basketball names trending upward or downward, and explains whether they should be added or cut from your roster.

The transfer portal closes today for most players. Here are five things to know after two wild weeks.

The Trump Administrations exhaustive examination of materials on the convicted sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein is drawing resources from other cases.

With no dragons and no warring dynasties, HBOs A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms is the first test of whether the Thrones formula works on a human scale.

So-called pink cocaine, a hazardous polydrug that can contain ketamine, ecstasy, meth, and sometimes fentanyl, is increasingly being found in U.S. nightclubs among users unaware of its dangerous contents. What do you think?For a more ladylike nosebleed.Sergio Corona, Sand AppraiserOur overdose crisis needed a touch more whimsy.Gaby Hoover, Warehouse NavigatorNice to see drug dealers embrace their feminine side.Matthew Bibat, Hedge ShaperThe post Pink Cocaine Spreading In U.S. appeared first on The Onion.

SAN FRANCISCOIn a jarring departure from his usual brash, confrontational on-court behavior, Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green reportedly returned from halftime of Thursday nights game against the Knicks eerily calm, sporting a large scar on his forehead. Angry noise gone from Draymond headDraymond good boy now, said Green, who sat on the bench petting a gerbil after setting a screen and then just standing still drooling as the play moved to the other end of the court. Draymond make no more basketball problems. Only nice basketball. Despite his newly tranquil demeanor, sources confirmed Green was still assessed a technical foul late in the third quarter after wandering onto the court during a live ball and smiling serenely at things that werent there.The post Eerily Calm Draymond Green Returns From Halftime With Large Scar On Forehead appeared first on The Onion.

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The Rays have sent outfielder Josh Lowe to the Angels as part of a three-team trade in which left-handed reliever Brock Burke went from Los Angeles to Cincinnati and infielder Gavin Lux moved from Cincinnati to Tampa Bay.

Attorneys representing Steve Ballmer are seeking to dismiss a lawsuit that alleges the LA Clippers owner participated in a fraud by funneling money to star Kawhi Leonard through a now-defunct green banking company.

Michael Saylors financial alchemy thrust an ordinary software company, Strategy, into the center of the crypto frenzy. It all worked spectacularly, until now.

Our reporter Jeffrey Gettleman is on the ground in Greenland, seeing how people have reacted to Trumps desire to take it over. He and our senior writer Katrin Bennhold discuss what Greenland means to the United States, Denmark and Greenlanders.

Millions of people are at risk of the governments seizing their refunds to pay what is owed on student loans.

From the over-the-top marriage proposals to the thoughtful surprises that made a huge impact.

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A person looks out of their vehicle as Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents walk away, Thursday, Jan. 15, 2026, in Richfield, Minn. (AP Photo/Adam Gray)2026-01-16T16:53:59Z MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. (AP) A Liberian man in Minnesota is back in custody Friday, his lawyer said, a day after a judge ordered him released because federal agents broke down his door to arrest him without a judicial warrant.The dramatic arrest of Garrison Gibson last weekend by armed immigration agents using a battering ram was captured on video. U.S. District Judge Jeffrey Bryan ruled the arrest unlawful, but Gibson was detained again when he appeared at an immigration office, attorney Marc Prokosch said.We were there for a check-in and the original officer said, This looks good, Ill be right back, Prokosch said. And then there was a lot of chaos, and about five officers came out and then they said, Were going to be taking him back into custody. I was like, Really, you want to do this again?Garrisons arrest is one of more than 2,500 made during a weekslong immigration crackdown in Minneapolis and St. Paul, according to the Department of Homeland Security. The operation has intensified and become more confrontational since the fatal shooting of Renee Good on Jan. 7. Gibson, 37, who fled the Liberian civil war as a child, had been ordered removed from the U.S., apparently because of a 2008 drug conviction that was later dismissed. He has remained in the country legally under whats known as an order of supervision, with the requirement that he meet regularly with immigration authorities. Meanwhile, tribal leaders and Native American rights organizations are advising anyone with a tribal ID to carry it with them when out in public in case they are approached by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers. Stay up to date with the news and the best of AP by following our WhatsApp channel. Follow on Native Americans across the U.S. have reported being stopped or detained by ICE, and tribal leaders are asking members to report these contacts. Ben Barnes, chief of the Shawnee Tribe in Oklahoma and chair of the United Indian Nations of Oklahoma, called the reports deeply concerning. Organizers in Minneapolis have set up application booths in the city to assist people needing a tribal ID.FBI Director Kash Patel said at least one person has been arrested for stealing property from an FBI vehicle in Minneapolis. The SUV was among government vehicles whose windows were broken Wednesday evening. Attorney General Pam Bondi said body armor and weapons were stolen.President Donald Trump has threatened to invoke an 1807 law, the Insurrection Act, to send troops to suppress protests during immigration sweeps. Minnesotas attorney general said he would sue if the president acts.___Associated Press reporters Ed White in Detroit and Graham Lee Brewer in Oklahoma City contributed. JACK BROOK Based in New Orleans, Brook covers Louisiana with a focus on state government, environmental issues and infrastructure. He is a Report for America corps member and can be reached on the secure messaging app Signal at jackbrook.88 twitter instagram mailto RSShttps://feedx.net https://feedx.site

This is Behind the Blog, where we share our behind-the-scenes thoughts about how a few of our top stories of the week came together. This week, we discuss the staying power of surveillance coverage, the jigsaw of reporting, and eyestrain.JASON: Ive started this year in the same way I spent a lot of last year: Writing about the automated license plate reader company Flock. In my career its been sort of weird for me to focus on one company or one thing so much for so long. I tend to get a little restless about the topics I cover, and there can sometimes be a very real fatigue with specific types of stories. After a while, people get it, and so the bar for a new story on a topic keeps going up. I wish this werent the case, and we try to cover things we feel are important, but if youre writing about a topic and no one is reading it, then the audience might be telling you they dont find that thing interesting anymore.This has not yet been the case with Flock, somewhat to my surprise. Ive been writing about surveillance technologies for a long time, and its rare for a specific company or specific type of technology to hold peoples interest and attention for too long.

Nature, Published online: 16 January 2026; doi:10.1038/d41586-025-04125-xA safety engineer feels abandoned by their principal investigator. How should they find support?

Nature, Published online: 16 January 2026; doi:10.1038/d41586-026-00112-yParticularly talented canines have sociolinguistic skills akin to those of young toddlers.