The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events. Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4.3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and influential organization in human history.
In addition to maintaining a towering standard of excellence to which the rest of the industry aspires, The Onion supports more than 350,000 full- and part-time journalism jobs in its numerous news bureaus and manual labor camps stationed around the world, and members of its editorial board have served with distinction in an advisory capacity for such nations as China, Syria, Somalia, and the former Soviet Union. On top of its journalistic pursuits, The Onion also owns and operates the majority of the world’s transoceanic shipping lanes, stands on the nation’s leading edge on matters of deforestation and strip mining, and proudly conducts tests on millions of animals daily.
This news feed from The Onion is provided via RSS feed. Vibeforge makes no claims to the accuracy of this content and does not receive any compensation for carrying this content from any person or entity.
In addition to maintaining a towering standard of excellence to which the rest of the industry aspires, The Onion supports more than 350,000 full- and part-time journalism jobs in its numerous news bureaus and manual labor camps stationed around the world, and members of its editorial board have served with distinction in an advisory capacity for such nations as China, Syria, Somalia, and the former Soviet Union. On top of its journalistic pursuits, The Onion also owns and operates the majority of the world’s transoceanic shipping lanes, stands on the nation’s leading edge on matters of deforestation and strip mining, and proudly conducts tests on millions of animals daily.
This news feed from The Onion is provided via RSS feed. Vibeforge makes no claims to the accuracy of this content and does not receive any compensation for carrying this content from any person or entity.
Recent Updates
-
THEONION.COMWhat To Know About WeaponsWeapons, a new horror film from the director of Barbarian, topped the box office on its opening weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the movie.Q. Why is the film called Weapons?A. The title Where Did The Kids Go? Find Out, Josh Brolin! didnt test well.Q: Is it scary?A: Its less ghost scary and more going to the bad CVS at two in the morning scary.Q: What is it about?A: Two hours.Q. Who is the villain of the film?A. The AMC employee that keeps telling you vaping isnt allowed in the theaterQ: Is there a cliffhanger?A: Its still unclear whether the students have to complete any make-up work.Q: What is the films message?A: If 17 kids can disappear overnight, then losing a couple in the Poconos Mountains doesnt make you a bad mom.The post What To Know About Weapons appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 9 Views 0 ReviewsPlease log in to like, share and comment!
-
THEONION.COMPoll Finds Americans Still Believe Greatest Threat To Public Health The UndertakerWASHINGTONShedding new light on the widespread dissemination of misinformation, the Pew Research Center released a new poll Friday that found the majority of Americans still believe the greatest threat to public health is the Undertaker. More than 85% of U.S. adults stated they were extremely concerned about the negative health impact the Deadman could have on their community, said pollster Christopher Hwang, who noted that survey respondents stated they were far more distressed about negative repercussions of the Undertakers chokeslam than they were about the opioid epidemic, antimicrobial resistance, heart disease, gun violence, or climate change. The majority of Americans spend a significant amount of energy preparing for the possibility of the Undertaker entering their home or workplace as Aint No Grave begins to play. Its really outdated information theyre working with, as he hasnt stepped inside the ring since 2020. That being said, small children and the elderly should of course still take precautions against the Undertaker. Hwang went on to stress that most Americans were dangerously underestimating the threat of El Grande Americano.The post Poll Finds Americans Still Believe Greatest Threat To Public Health The Undertaker appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 9 Views 0 Reviews
-
THEONION.COMWomans Career Dies In ChildbirthDAYTON, OHIn a tragic turn to what loved ones had expected to be a joyous day, family sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Sandra McDowells career had died in childbirth.We did everything we could to preserve the mothers job prospects, but sadly, she just lost too much employability for her career to survive, said obstetrician Heather Parlon, adding that McDowells husband broke down outside the delivery room when he learned that hed be raising his child in a single-income household. Her marketing career was so young and full of promise. She was just an entry-level assistant content manager, for heavens sake, with so many good years of moving up the corporate ladder ahead of her. And now shes lying completely jobless on a hospital bed, and all those promotions and wage increases and corner offices she dreamed of are gone, just like that. It breaks your heart to see a career cut short before it could fully blossom in this world.McDowells husband reportedly chose to honor her careers memory by naming their daughter Chief Content Strategist.The post Womans Career Dies In Childbirth appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 11 Views 0 Reviews
-
THEONION.COMNovelty Nachos Helmet Works Way Into Regular Dishes RotationThe post Novelty Nachos Helmet Works Way Into Regular Dishes Rotation appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 10 Views 0 Reviews
-
THEONION.COMSweetshop LaborThe post Sweetshop Labor appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 11 Views 0 Reviews
-
THEONION.COMYasmine PolkYasmine Polk, 56, passed over the rainbow bridge last Friday, becoming the first non-pet to do so.The post Yasmine Polk appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 10 Views 0 Reviews
-
THEONION.COMTwo Seniors, Says Jordon Hudson, Looking AMC Cashier Dead In EyeThe post Two Seniors, Says Jordon Hudson, Looking AMC Cashier Dead In Eye appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 10 Views 0 Reviews
-
THEONION.COMMan Poisoned After Taking Dietary Advice From ChatGPTA 60-year-old man was hospitalized with rare bromide poisoning after replacing table salt with sodium bromide based on advice given by ChatGPT, despite the FDA claiming the substance is unsafe for human consumption. What do you think?ChatGPT tells me the solution here is more sodium bromide.Mark Bratos, Retired WhalerSee? No good ever comes from consuming less salt.Jacqueline Pino, Keyboard CleanerThats why I only trust ChatGPT with advice about my mental health.Rhys Hamons, Scooter DetailerThe post Man Poisoned After Taking Dietary Advice From ChatGPT appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 18 Views 0 Reviews
-
THEONION.COMMeteorite That Crashed Into Georgia Home Older Than Planet EarthThe cherry tomato-sized meteorite that pierced the roof of a home near Atlanta has been confirmed to be about 4.56 billion years old, making it older than Earth itself. What do you think?It doesnt matter how old it is, that behavior is unacceptable.Mae Pickett, Stenographers ApprenticeA heartening reminder that meteorites of any age can make a difference.Tobias Obry, UnemployedHow could scientists possibly know the exact size of a cherry tomato?Jay Valdez, Dog ChoreographerThe post Meteorite That Crashed Into Georgia Home Older Than Planet Earth appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 18 Views 0 Reviews
-
THEONION.COMFact-Checking Trump On CrimePresident Donald Trump has claimed that crime is out of control in the nations capital and beyond. The Onion assesses the veracity of the presidents claims.Claim: D.C. has endured a record amount of robberies. Partially true: Some places in Georgetown sell a cup of coffee for $9.Claim: Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles are crime-ridden cesspools.False: These cities are safe, vibrant cesspools.Claim: The National Guard is being deployed to crack down on crime. False: The National Guard is being deployed to give Stephen Miller an erection.Claim: Just last week, a high-ranking politician was shot in the head at a D.C. theater.False: Trump is mixing up last week with April 14, 1865.Claim: Violent foreigners traveled to D.C. to savagely beat Americans.False: The UFC fight on the White House South Lawn isnt until next year.Claim: Basically anything.False: False continues to be a very safe assumption to make.The post Fact-Checking Trump On Crime appeared first on The Onion.0 Comments 0 Shares 19 Views 0 Reviews
More Stories