NEW YORKConfirming his new film fell somewhere between fact and fiction, director Josh Safdie explained to reporters Friday that Marty Supreme was a slight dramatization of LeBron James life. I wouldnt call it a biopic, exactly, but yes, Marty Supreme is about King James, said the filmmaker, who sought to dispel any confusion surrounding the sports drama by clarifying that the film was loosely inspired by the life of the 40-year-old NBA star. We took a few creative liberties, of course: the name Marty Mauser, his personality and physical appearance, the fact that hes playing ping-pong. But hes still just a kid from Akron, even if the movie is set in New York City in the 1950s. And obviously, [Timothe] Chalamet does a great job capturing this. At press time, Safdie was praising Kevin OLearys performance as Bronny James.The post Marty Supreme Director Explains Film Slight Dramatization Of Real-Life LeBron James appeared first on The Onion.

In the world of business, integrity is everything. There has to be a baseline level of trust, or the entire system collapses. Thats why I make honesty a top priority in my professional life, even in situations where bending the truth a little would be to my personal benefit. For example, I would never misrepresent my level of expertise when applying for a job, even if I needed the work to keep my family from going hungry.Yes, I would let my wife and young children starve before Id defile my resume with exaggerations about my marketing background.I know what youre thinking: Whats a little white lie about my experience improving user engagement and SEO going to hurt? If I were faced with the prospect of sending my son and daughter to bed with empty stomachs, then surely there would be no harm in covering a small gap in my employment history by saying I worked at Icon Synergistics from 2021 to 2023 when, more precisely, it was February 2021 to November 2023. The truth is, a lot of harm would be done, and not just to my malnourished household.You see, its when your back is against a wall that you find out what your true convictions are. Suppose I were jobless and could no longer put food on the table. Then, in a moment of weakness, I decided to claim on my resume that I was fluent in HubSpot and Marketo Engage, when in reality, I had familiarity with both but was only truly proficient in HubSpot. Where would it stop? Would I next say Im the social media strategist at a place Ive worked for five years, without clarifying that this is only my most recent title and that I actually began there in the junior role of social media assistant? Thats inexcusable.My family might be able to enjoy three meals a day, but what would become of my self-respect? At the end of the day, I want to feel good about the marketing professional I see staring back at me in the mirror.Dont write me off as cold or uncaring. I have a heart. It would be painful to watch as my 5-year-old and 7-year-old were forced to beg for scraps of food on the streets. But when youre creating a resume, ethics must come first. If the price of putting bread in the mouths of my children is adding a bullet point that overstates my ability to optimize social content, then I say no deal. After embellishing a cover letter to imply that I achieved over 30% conversion in data-driven bundling, how could I look my famished, hollow-cheeked family in their sunken eyes?Above all, I wouldnt want to set a bad example for my kids. Surely Id be doing them no favors if I taught them it was okay to lie to a job recruiter about your B2B client retention rate in order to get a job that provides your loved ones with basic nutritional sustenance. Then theyd grow up to lie on their own resumes, and the web of deceit would continue from generation to generation.So I would choose to do the right thing, no matter how visible my childrens ribcages might become. And while I hope she would support me in my decision, I would stand firm even if my emaciated wife grabbed my collar and demanded I lie about rolling out strategic acquisition channels and spearheading effective hashtag campaigns. Because falsely listing survey design as a special skill on my resume is a moral failure I could never countenance.When all is said and done, I know the only special skill I really have is my honor.The post Id Sooner Let My Family Starve Than Exaggerate My Marketing Experience On My Resume appeared first on The Onion.

Tensions between the United States and Venezuela are escalating, with President Trump stating that land strikes on drug traffickers could come very soon. The Onion examines the pros and cons of entering a war against Venezuela.PROCaracas fun to sayRaises total number of countries Americans can name to respectable nineWould be nice to invade somewhere warm for the holidaysSomething to tide us over until war with ChinaCONKind of an inconvenient timeMay have to come up with a reason for doing soDont know how to roll our RsKathryn Bigelow already won two OscarsThe post Pros And Cons Of War With Venezuela appeared first on The Onion.

VATICAN CITYIn a milestone many Roman Catholics hope will bring the church into the 21st century, Vatican officials issued a statement Tuesday formally recognizing Generation Zs first demon.For his innovative use of digital communications to torment and possess the Christian faithful, Melapheus, better known by his online handle DiabolusMel, is hereby accorded full demonhood, Pope Leo XIV wrote in an official decree announcing the decision, adding that countless young sinners had been inspired to lead lives of infernal debauchery thanks to the 23-year-old malevolent spirits wretched example. The church has verified and can attribute to him the demonic possession of a girl who was left in a coma after a car accident. Through the intercession of Melapheus, this child was awakened from her state of unconsciousness and forced to pick up a surgical scalpel, which she then used to carve out the hearts of several doctors and nurses. His live-streamed inflictions of strange maladies that defy scientific explanation have spread the unholy word of Lucifer to millions who might not have heard the vile blasphemy otherwise. Indeed, many in their late teens and 20s say it was Melapheus terrible screeching emanating from their phones that first led them to seek out our churchs exorcists.At press time, the Vatican confirmed that Melapheus was eligible to become an archdemon after a verified possession that gave a blind man the ability to see into the endless depths of hell.The post Vatican Formally Recognizes FirstGen Z Demon appeared first on The Onion.

The bride and groom want to call what happened on Saturday a wedding, but it wasnt even in a churchand they both wore tennis shoes!The post Reyna Cobb and Luke Butler appeared first on The Onion.

The post Kristi Noem Places Pushpin In Bespoke Map Of Every Place Shes Deported Someone To appeared first on The Onion.

Heated Rivalry, a new Canadian romance series, has exploded in popularity since it premiered on HBO Max last week. Here is everything you need to know about the show.Q: What is the plot?A: Two men have a steamy sexual affair despite not being vampires or elf nobility or anything.Q: Where does it take place?A: An alternate universe where hockey players meticulously wax their body hair.Q: Are the actors actually playing hockey?A: Yes. Its illegal in Canada to impersonate a hockey player.Q: Who is the target audience?A: The horniest woman in Saskatchewan.Q: Is there a lot of sex?A: All of the sex is implied off-screen through shots of popping Champagne bottles and trains entering tunnels.Q: Is the show better than the book?A: Yes, it has far fewer words to read.The post What To Know About Heated Rivalry appeared first on The Onion.

The post Hakeem Jeffries Calls For Execution Of Central Park Five appeared first on The Onion.

INDIANAPOLISSuggesting there were some deals even cancer researchers couldnt say no to, a new study published Thursday by the American Society of Preventative Oncology found that processed meats were carcinogenic but were also on sale. Our evidence indicates that while common deli items like salami, bacon, and corned beef have strong links to cancer, they were simply being offered at prices too good to pass up, said study co-author Dr. James Underwood, who added that avoiding products that contain nitrites and other chemical preservatives decreased the risk of developing gastrointestinal cancer, but with bargains like this, youd be an idiot not to stock up on them. Over the course of our analysis, we found that eating just one hot dog a day markedly increased rates of stomach, esophageal, and colorectal cancer, but an eight-pack of all-beef franks for $3.99? Come on. At that price, theyre basically giving them away. And after all, meat is meat. The new study follows research published last month that showed a significant link between buying organic produce, overall gut health, and going fucking broke.The post Study Finds Processed Meats Carcinogenic But They Were On Sale appeared first on The Onion.

COLUMBIA, MOIn a display of enthusiasm that revealed a deep familiarity with the subject, local man Luke Price was said to be totally nerding out Thursday about the idea of white supremacy.According to sources, the 26-year-old sales associate and self-described bermensch rattled off a dozen esoteric theories of racial hierarchy and eagerly asserted the biological superiority of white people, admitting he was a bit of a geek when it came to the topic of purging Caucasian blood of its impurities. In an exchange that began as a casual conversation about dogs, Price reportedly went on a tangent about falling white birth rates for 15 minutes straight.Its amazing to see how passionate Luke becomes when the topic of white power comes uphe gets completely absorbed, said girlfriend Sarah Hovey, 20, who explained that while she considered herself more of a casual racist, she didnt mind Prices frequent monologues about IQ scores and genetics, or his lengthy quotations from Arthur de Gobineaus mid-19th-century Essay On The Inequality Of The Human Races. If someone mentions immigration, for instance, his whole face lights up as he starts in about shifting demographics, great replacement theory, and how this country rightfully belongs to whites.Hovey told reporters there was something kind of adorable about how excited her boyfriend becomes when he recaps the latest white supremacist diatribe from a Stew Peters podcast or Nick Fuentes live stream. She acknowledged her mind often wanders when Price goes into nerdy detail about scientific racismrambling on about brow ridges and skull measurements, or the difference between Australoids and Mongoloidsbut said shes just glad he has something that makes him happy.Everyone has their thing, Hovey said. Luke has white supremacy. I like to watch Friends.Price spoke at length about how, as a teenager, the internet allowed him to connect with a community of people who shared his intense conviction that inferior people were diluting the blood of the country. Though his parents anticipated he would grow out of his youthful obsession, he said his love of all things Aryan has only deepened with age. He chuckled when confessing he sometimes goes on eBay and spends way too much on pricey collectibles like authentic Nazi paraphernalia or a rare first edition of The Turner Diaries.In high school, I was really into the Proud Boys, Bronze Age Pervert, and that whole alt-right scene that was coming out back then, said Price, describing himself as the kid who wore a Pepe the Frog T-shirt to class and scribbled the 14 words on the front of all his notebooks. But pretty soon I got into edgier stuff, like Mike Enochs blog, and older stuff, tooinfluential guys like Madison Grant, who was writing a century ago about racial hygiene and the superior Nordic stock of Americas founders.Yep, Im a big ol dork when it comes to the idea of establishing a white ethnostate, he continued, throwing up his hands in a gesture of mock helplessness. What can I say?While he reportedly has very few friends in the town where he lives, Price said his Discord server is home to dozens of likeminded individuals of pure European heritage whom he chats with basically 24/7. In typical nerd fashion, he added, they sometimes attend in-person meet-ups where they dress up in vintage David Dukeera Ku Klux Klan robes. Price showed off a photo from a white nationalist con he attended, Fuentes America First Political Action Conference, where he got his photo taken with real-life superhero Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.Price confirmed his passion for preserving the white race has alienated him from people with more mainstream hobbies, remarking that no matter how popular white supremacy becomes, there will always be those who look down on him just because hes part of the fandom.Some people think its lame, he said. Theyd probably call me a weirdo or a loser for devoting so much of my time to this. I dont let it get me down, though. Its 2025, for Gods sake! Were cool now! There are even people like me in the White House.The haters out there are probably just insecure, he added. Or secret Jews.The post Man Totally Nerding Out About Superiority Of White Race appeared first on The Onion.