She was kidnapped by her own mother in the 70s when courts wouldnt help lesbian moms
Years before Obergefell v. Hodges and other progress in the fight for LGBTQ+ civil rights put gay and lesbian parents on an equal footing with their straight peers, a gay parent seeking custody of their kids was likely to lose in court.It was in the early days of the Gay Liberation movement in 1975 when Georgette DuBois faced just that prospect. Related Hundreds of women once flocked to an Oregon city & created a lesbian mecca. Theyve got stories. The city was lush with all-women cooperatives and other enterprises where, as one resident observed, women discovered, Wow, we really dont need men. Her marriage was on the rocks: her husband was having an affair. And shed fallen for a woman, too. Never Miss a Beat Subscribe to our newsletter to stay ahead of the latest LGBTQ+ political news and insights. Subscribe to our Newsletter today I didnt think of myself as a lesbian, DuBois, now 76, told The New York Times. It was just Oh, Im in love.While the breakup was amicable at the start and they shared custody of their three-year-old daughter, he moved out of state with no notice or forwarding address and took their daughter with him.DuBois faced a decision that would change her life forever, and her childs along with it.She reached out to a group calledCustody Action for Lesbian Mothers. The organization educated lesbians about custody issues and represented them for free when they went to court.After explaining the details of her case to a lawyer, she was told the only way shed get her daughter back was to take her herself.She would have to kidnap her own child and live with the consequences that entailed.DuBois and three other women drove from Pennsylvania to Michigan, where shed located her ex. Posing as a real estate agent, one of the women distracted her husbands brother, who answered the door; her ex wasnt at home. Moments later, DuBois and her daughter were speeding away to a new life. The three-year-old was in tears.In the 1970s and 80s, groups like Custody Action for Lesbians and their West Coast counterpart, the Lesbian Mothers National Defense Fund, helped hundreds of women facilitate custody of their kids, whether through the courts or by heading underground in a last-ditch effort to stay with their children.I would get called and told, Pick this woman up here and bring her here and keep her for a while, said Kris Melroe, who allowed her home to be used as a safe house by the Lesbian Mothers National Defense Fund. Paola Bacchetta, professor of gender and womens studies at the University of California, Berkeley, said she knew several lawyers who represented lesbians in custody cases.The mothers would pursue it legally in the courts first, not jump to Lets go kidnap, she said. But the kidnapping was Plan B and it was carried out quite a bit.In DuBois and her daughters case, that meant shedding their old lives entirely for a new family identity at a lesbian collective in rural Pennsylvania.It was this whole other world, remembered Kara DuBois, now 51, where the women embraced nudity and wore no makeup.Her mother also shed her husbands name. It was just one of many secrets that Kara was uncomfortable keeping.It didnt feel fair, she said. I was not a lesbian, but yet I had to be in the closet with my mother. As well as hiding their old identities for years while living at the commune, DuBois was hiding her orientation in public, another stress on her daughter.I just remember her shoes clicking on the floors of Bryn Mawr Hospital. She was a social worker for a while. And then at home, with her friends especially, it was more, Put on the flannel and go cut some wood.Kara said her mom seemed happy and had a clear sense of belonging in their new surroundings.But for years, Kara had the fear that someone would find them out, she said. And this house full of women was like a flashing red light.Kara recalled telling others that her moms partners were her roommates because she believed she had to lie to survive socially.I would run around saying Thats so gay, just like everybody else, so that I would not give away any signs, she said.Looking back, the two women have come to terms with the sacrifice DuBois made, for both of them.Remarkably, Karas father never pursued custody or tried to locate the pair. He moved on to have another family in California.When Kara was 15, she learned through relatives that her father was dying. Her mom took her to visit him, and they spent several days together.I remember asking you, maybe more than once, Looking back, would you have preferred to be raised by your dad? DuBois asked her daughter.Well, I can say that his kids are much more functional than I am, Kara replied, and thats appealing to me. Its such an abstract question. I feel like you both did the best you could with the knowledge that you had.I gave birth to you, her mom said. I wanted you back, you know?Subscribe to theLGBTQ Nation newsletterand be the first to know about the latest headlines shaping LGBTQ+ communities worldwide.
