READING, PASaying the snot-nosed brat sure as hell better not expect any damn frankincense or myrrh, sources confirmed Friday that a bullshit newborn wasnt even Jesus Christ, the Son of God.Theres not a fucking chance this useless goddamn baby is going to die for our sins, said the childs uncle Brandon Lowrey, explaining that beyond being born in a hospital instead of a manger, the absolute disgrace of an infant wasnt actually a boy at all, but in fact a girl. I bet this little shit isnt even related to God, let alone a direct relative. I should have known when I didnt see a single Star of Bethlehem shining above that twerp to beckon wise men from the East. That dumbass baby couldnt redeem a ham sandwich.Lowrey added that the good-for-nothing childs mother was no virgin either.The post Bullshit Newborn Not Even Christ appeared first on The Onion.