An extremely scientific investigation of your taste in video game furniture.Youve dated twinks, youve dated otters, youve dated bears, but have you ever dated a couch? Date Everything asks the eternal question: what if the objects in your house were hot, emotionally complex, and down to vibe? Finally, you no longer have to feel shame for your emotional attachment to a refrigerator. Shout it from the rooftops, peopleyoure in love with a curtain rod and you dont care who knows it!Related | What Your Queer-Coded Nintendo Character Says About You (Part 2)What Is Date Everything?If youre new here: Date Everything is a surreal dating sim where you romance the personified versions of household objectsthink: couches, toilets, doors, and mirrors, all with fully voiced dialogue and surprisingly complex emotional arcs. Yes, its deeply weird. At this point, I need this level of departure from reality to effectively dissociate, okay?The characters are funny, flirtatious, and packed with more red flags than your last group chat. Whether youre into strong, silent types or chaotic charmers, theres someone (or something?) for everyone. So in the spirit of introspection (and public shaming), weve compiled this definitive list of what your favorite Date Everything man says about you.Spoiler: its not flattering.What Your Favorite Man in Date Everything Says About YouAbelYoure a sucker for the emotionally constipated. You want a loyal man who smells like sawdust and repressed feelings. A man wholl fix your wobbly chair but not talk about his trauma until year three. You fantasize about slow-dancing in a quiet kitchen, maybe while healing his wooden heart with homemade pie.Sign: TaurusFavorite Food: Biscuits and gravyHobby: Several, but none you stick withGreen Flag: Always ready for a cozy night inRed Flag: Chronic red-flag-blindnessAmirYou want to be courted. Youre drawn to big feelings, poetic texts, and men wholl read your aura on the second date. Youve definitely trauma-bonded with someone in a bathroom. People think you have main character syndromeand you dobut its not your fault that youre a deeply interesting person.Sign: LibraFavorite Food: Grapes, fed to you by handHobby: Crying to voice memos you sent yourselfGreen Flag: Deep believer in words of affirmationRed Flag: Low-key deluluBarryYou dont need attention from everyone, just from the people who matter most. Youre drawn to charmers who talk a mile a minute, have five side quests at once, and still remember to tell you youre beautiful. You want a partner who turns heads but only has eyes for you. Bonus points if they smell like a Sephora.Sign: VirgoFavorite Food: Something you split with someoneHobby: Reorganizing everything you ownGreen Flag: Shows up without keeping scoreRed Flag: Currently rethinking everything youve ever textRelated | 55 Illustrations Celebrating Bellies and BearsCabrizzioYou say youre looking for something real, but who are you kidding? You want someone hot, charming, and just mysterious enough to project your entire romantic fantasy onto. You love a smooth talker who knows wine pairings and how to make you feel like the most interesting person in the room. Oh, and they should be a good person too, I guess.Sign: SagittariusFavorite Food: Pasta made with way too much butterHobby: Romanticizing your own life in 4KGreen Flag: Being around you is free entertainmentRed Flag: Has never sat stillCamYou fall for men who are prickly, scruffy, and emotionally under construction. Cams not warm, not charming, not even trying to impress you, and somehow those are all pluses to you? You think being chosen by someone who trusts no one is the highest romantic honor. Youre either the softest soul alive or fully in your self-sabotage era. Sidenote: Are you okay?Sign: ScorpioFavorite Food: Big leftover eaterHobby: Projecting onto emotionally unavailable peopleGreen Flag: Funny, because traumaRed Flag: Gets jealous, stays jealousChanceYou want someone who plans dates like side quests and kisses like its a critical hit. Youre drawn to the kind of chaos that kicks the door in first and rolls initiative later. You dont mind a little awkwardness, as long as they light up when they talk about their latest hyperfixation. Youre not just looking for love. Youre looking for a companion.Sign: GeminiFavorite Food: Trail mix (but its mostly M&Ms)Hobby: Your 10-year-old DnD campaignGreen Flag: Down for literally anythingRed Flag: Starts fights over niche lore and winsCurt & RodWhy date one person when you could date two who already have amazing taste and impeccable banter? You want to be adored, entertained, and occasionally dragged in matching outfits. You live for drama, chaos, and being at the center of the best tea in the neighborhood. If love isnt a three-person production with outfit changes and whispered insults, whats the point?Sign: LeoFavorite Food: A martini you didnt pay forHobby: Eavesdropping, but make it fashionGreen Flag: Keeps receiptsRed Flag: Reads them out loudDaisukeYou dont need chatter. You need competence, calm, and someone who can stack emotions as neatly as they stack plates. You fall for the serious onesthe ones who wont open up to just anyone, and definitely not right away. You say youre low-maintenance, but what you really are is patient.Sign: CapricornFavorite Food: Black coffee with no sugar, you exclaimHobby: Telling people about KintsugiGreen Flag: Deeply curiousRed Flag: Um, actuallyDorianYou fall for the strong, silent type. The one who never opens up, never makes the first move, and somehow still has you thinking, Hes just scared to love. You say youre emotionally mature, but youre really just deeply committed to unlocking his tragic backstory. The suit? Immaculate. The build? Unholy. The emotional repression? A project.Sign: CancerFavorite Food: Something you cooked and he complimented onceHobby: Holding a cup of tea for emotional supportGreen Flag: Honestly? You might actually fix himRed Flag: Thinks no texts for two hours is giving him spaceJean Loo PissoirYoure not intimidated by confidence. Youre turned on by it. Jean Loo is loud, rhyming, vaguely damp, and literally a toilet, but that just makes you want him more. Youre pathologically drawn to the one person no one else would ever date. Not because youre desperate, but because youre different. You dont fall in love. Its all for the bit, right? Right!?Sign: AquariusFavorite Food: Sushi in bed, like a weirdoHobby: Weaponizing ironyGreen Flag: Unshakable confidenceRed Flag: So, um, youre definitely dating a toilet!KoaYoure soft. Too soft. A human onesie, even. You fall for gentle giants with extra cushion for pushin. Love to you is being swaddled in a warm blanket after crying in the bath, listening to Enya, and thats valid! You think silence is romantic and physical touch is a personality trait.Sign: PiscesFavorite Food: Chips and too much dipHobby: Projecting your feelings onto inanimate objectsGreen Flag: Deeply intuitive, genuinely caringRed Flag: Will trauma-bond with a couchTeddyYou burn bright, move fast, and fall hard. Thats why you need someone soft to land on. Youre drawn to quiet strength, calm voices, and bear-shaped men who radiate dad energy. Teddy doesnt just hug, he heals. You say you want emotional growth, but what you really want someone to listen to your chaos, validate your pain, and hand you a warm beverage before you finish ranting. Is that so much to ask?Sign: AriesFavorite Food: Melted cheese in all its formsHobby: Talking at all possible timesGreen Flag: Down for literally anythingRed Flag: Desperately needs fixingVaughnNurse, the patient is escaping!Buy Date Everything TodayWhether you saw yourself dating the main character, the quiet fixer, or the literal toilet, one things clear: your taste in men is as complex (and chaotic) as ever. But hey, were not here to judge. Were here to enable. If you havent already fallen headfirst into the weird, tender, and unhinged world of Date Everything, nows your chance.Date Everything is out now on Steam, PlayStation, Xbox, and Nintendo.Source