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Why Am I Still Explaining Being Bisexual in 2025?
Subscribe nowHi everyone! Spencer is swamped this week so he gave me the Substack password and here we are. :)Im Sam Donndelinger, one of Uncloseteds lead reporters and designers.Im also a bisexual woman in my twenties. And sometimes, I forget Im allowed to take up space in this fight. Theres this weird in-between feeling, like Im hovering on the edge of the movement, half-welcome and half-explaining why I care.I didnt have language for being bisexual until I was 19. I grew up homeschooled in small-town Maryland and didnt know anyone who was queer. When I was 16, I chirped from the backseat of my moms car, Wow, that girl on the sidewalk is cute! The excitement in my voice was juxtaposed with my moms and sisters silence as they waited for me to say more.Three years later, sitting at my kitchen table, I casually told my parents what I had been feeling: Im bisexual. My mom burst into tears and gave me a big hug.My dad asked, So what exactly does that mean?Having overcome the hurdle of telling my parents, I thought the hard part was over. But when I moved to New York, I started learning about the insidious ways *biphobia* can manifest.There have been countless times when Ive had to answer my dads question after coming out to people, perhaps because 15% of Americansaccording to a 2013 studydont believe bisexual people are real.After I asked someone if they were queer at a party, they were offended until they learned I was bisexual from a mutual friend. They were surprised because I came off really straight.At another event, I was asked to leave when I made a woman feel uncomfortable during a game of truth or dare when I told the group Id rather kiss her than a guy. So am I too straight or too gay?My first relationship being with a guy didnt help. I immediately felt outcasted by other LGBTQ people. I felt I had to print a resume of queerness recounting my sexual experiences with women for people to believe that I am indeed bisexual.In these moments, I wonder why I feel the need to explain myself to feel safe in my identity. Is it because there is so much external chaos trying to strip away queer rights? Is it because my burdens are less than my LGBTQ siblings? Is it because I want to be able to occupy queer spaces without the worry of intruding or offending?Im not dismissing the very real privilege of being perceived as straight. I get to move through the world a lot easier and a lot safer.All I am saying is that when Spencer asked if I had something to say about being bisexual for this week's newsletter, my mind once again came up blank. I have never been asked to speak about it before and I think that is part of the problem.We deserve space. We deserve a voice. And we deserve to tell our stories.Subscribe for LGBTQ-focused, accountability journalism.Subscribe nowTell your friends! Mark your calendars! Save the date! As we approachone yearof bringing accountability journalism to your inbox, we want to celebrate with you. In person! Join us at the Stonewall Inn on Wednesday, Sept. 17 for Uncloseteds one-year anniversary celebration from 6-9pm. Together, we will commemorate a year of LGBTQ focused journalism. Expect a blend of community, celebration and fabulous entertainment. Stay tuned for more detailswe cant wait to celebrate with you!Portland Catholic School Revokes Admission for Same-Sex Couples Children (The Oregonian)Some parents are considering whether to remove their children from St. Agatha Catholic School in Southeast Portland after the school revoked an offer of admissions to the children of a same-sex couple.Pete Buttigieg Says Trans Athletes in Womens Sports Raise Serious Fairness Issues (Them)The former transportation secretary joins a list of Democrats who are conceding to the right on the issue.Court Blocks Trump's Anti-LGBTQ Restrictions on Grants in Health and Housing (Washington Blade)Funding suspended under Trump orders targeting DEI, trans rights.Judge Halts Non-Binary Person's Deportation to the U.S. as Trump Dismantles Trans Rights (CBC)Advocates say ruling could set an important precedent for 2SLGBTQ+ immigrants and refugees.Over the week, be on the lookout for new Uncloseted reporting: Last month, we reported that the Trump administrations funding cuts to HIV programs could have disastrous impacts on the trajectory of the epidemic. But HIV isnt the only thing affected. Hope Pisoni speaks with experts, doctors and Kenyan residents to uncover how Trumps cuts have thrown the countrys entire health system into disarray. After the Boy Scouts of America and the Girl Scouts of the USA began accepting openly LGBTQ members, evangelical Christians were outraged. In 1995, four years after the Girl Scouts affirmed that lesbians could join, Patti Garibay founded American Heritage Girls (AHG), a scouting alternative for biological girls. Tom Sayers investigates AHG and its male counterpart, Trail Life USA.Thanks for reading! Feel free to email us with questions, complaints and story ideas! Sam Donndelinger, Investigative Reporter sam.donndelinger@unclosetedmedia.comIf objective, nonpartisan, rigorous, LGBTQ-focused journalism is important to you, please consider making a tax-deductible donation through our fiscal sponsor, Resource Impact, by clicking this button:Donate to Uncloseted Media
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