Renowned asexual activist David Jay always wanted children. While he was open to adopting and foster care due to his asexual identity, he also wanted a co-parent who was willing to raise children with him without engaging in a romantic relationship. He began exploring creative ways to build a family, and today, he is the father of a daughter, Octavia, along with her biological parents, married couple Avary Kent and Zeke Hausfather. They all live together in California, where three-parent adoption is legal. As such, all are legally Octavias parents. Related Family-building while queer isnt easy. You dont have to do it alone. This modern family highlighted in a new report by The Atlantic is not as unique as it may seem. Three-parent families have long been a feature of the queer community, and even in non-queer circles, it is becoming increasingly common for kids to grow up in families that do not fit the traditional mold. A 2014 study from the Pew Research Center found that only 46% of kids in the United States were living in a two-parent heterosexual home with parents in a first marriage, down from 73% in 1960. Eleven years later, kids family makeup has no doubt become even more diverse. Never Miss a Beat Subscribe to our newsletter to stay ahead of the latest LGBTQ+ political news and insights. Subscribe to our Newsletter today But the increasing ability for three parents to have legal custody over a child is definitely newer. Jay, in fact, is part of a community of families engaged in non-traditional parenting. The idea of having to match romantically and sexually [while] co-parenting and cohabiting, its so much, you know? Kaitie, a part of this community, told the Atlantic. I dont feel like I need to checkallthose boxes to find the perfect co-parent.Jay believes there are endless ways for adults to play large roles in childrens lives. If youre someone like me, who really wants kids in my life and doesnt want a primary romantic and sexual partner, then there are ways to do that, he said. If you are someone who wants a kid in your life but you really want a kid in your life once a week, not every day, for many hours a day, you can find a way to do that.Choose your own family and choose your own path, he emphasized. For him, there are many benefits to his chosen family structure three incomes, three sets of hands, and three adults for Octavia to form strong bonds with. Hes also very aware that his racial and financial privilege is what has allowed his family to thrive, considering the third-parent adoption process cost $5,000.He also thinks the fact that he is not in a polyamorous relationship with Kent and Hausfather has made his family more easily accepted by others, as it allows people to hold onto their concepts of a two-person romantic relationship. We sidestep all of the shaming and social scripts that would be [involved] in a poly three-parent family, he said. Theres this whole universe of navigating implications about our sexual relationships that we just avoid entirely, and so that allows people to focus on the parenting and the benefit of the parenting. He also said the fight for marriage equality, while worthy, has reinforced stigma for three-parent families by reinforcing coupling as the norm. It has taken away some of the power of being able to live radically queer lives without needing to fit into a capitalist, patriarchal structure of a nuclear family, he said. In the end, its about stability for a child and not how many parents they have.All of our research points to the fact that its the quality of the relationships that matters, and the handling of communication and conflict, and the number of people in the household is not really the key,said sociologist Pamela Braboy Jackson.Just because family structure is different doesnt mean that family operates any differently.Subscribe to theLGBTQ Nation newsletterand be the first to know about the latest headlines shaping LGBTQ+ communities worldwide.