I watch Drag Race. I wear floral prints. My husband and I have been married for a decade. I am, by most measures, a fairly typical effeminate gay man.Though I happen to be trans. Related Masculinity is crippling society. Could trans men be the key to changing that? Sometimes that lands like a plot twist. But the truth is that just as cis gay men can be any combination of masculine bear or feminine twink or anywhere else on the gender expression spectrum, so can trans gay men. Figuring that out is how I realized that Im trans.Some trans people know they are trans from a young age. They can see it clearly that they are truly a boy or a girl or neither, despite what everyone around them says. Never Miss a Beat Subscribe to our newsletter to stay ahead of the latest LGBTQ+ political news and insights. Subscribe to our Newsletter today But that wasnt me. I didnt have those words. But I knew something was off, even as a kid. I was deeply unhappy, but I couldnt explain it. It felt like there was a fog between myself and other people. A barrier. No matter what I did, I couldnt figure out why.I felt most comfortable with queer people and flourished hanging out in LGBTQ+ spaces, gravitating towards the glimmers of representation I saw in Rent and the original Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I somehow felt like a part of queer culture, especially gay male culture, despite being outwardly a woman who largely dated men. I went to college and was lucky to take classes from openly queer professors and read works by and about LGBTQ+ people. I also made a variety of friends across the gender and sexual orientation spectrums.And then it clicked. I was a gay trans man. Thats why I never felt comfortable in my own skin. Being a woman was simply not my authentic self. I was a man, and since I was attracted to men, I was a gay man.It seems obvious now. So why did it take me so long to figure it out? One big reason is that I didnt fit into the archetype of masculinity. Masculine men like sports. I love celebrity gossip. They wear boring, plain clothes. I wear bright colors and loud patterns. They are stoic and tough. I laugh loudly and smile easily.But tons of other men gay, straight, and in between dont have those hobbies, dress that way, or act like that.I didnt realize I was a man because I my understanding of being a man was limited to straight machismo. When I considered other versions of who a man can be, specifically the flamboyant version, it unlocked my authentic self.As soon as I transitioned, the fog lifted. I felt comfortable and free, able to connect with others and dream about the future with confidence and optimism.I came out in 2007, and today, my life is rich and full.I work in trans activism, trying to make things better for trans people who come after me, especially the lonely ones who dont have community. I found the love of my life. We met at Pride when I was working a table for a grassroots organization by and for trans people of color. It was the first Pride he had ever attended, and he hasnt been to one since. We joke he has a perfect success rate at Pride, and we just celebrated 13 years together.I have friendship, support, and comfort. Its a lot to be grateful for, and it never would have happened if I hadnt had the chance to understand myself with the aid of representation.Unfortunately, anti-trans extremists misconstrue these experiences. They point to people like me who came out after being exposed to queer people and media as proof that we arent really trans or gay. They claim its social pressure or that were easily influenced. The truth is, my authentic gender and sexuality cant change. The only things that can are whether or not Im out and whether or not Im happy.If I hadnt transitioned, I would have still been isolated, lonely, and depressed. I would not have been able to explain it to others, and Im not sure where I could have turned for help.Transitioning, on the other hand, has brightened my life, allowing me to finally exhale after a youth spent holding my breath. My hope is to pass this freedom on to others. We should all have the chance to live full, authentic lives, experiencing the joy of being untethered from the idea of who you think you are supposed to be.I found myself as a trans man when I let go of traditional standards of masculinity and embraced the flamboyance of camp and glitter. Wherever your truth is, I hope you find it too. A liberated life is waiting for you.Subscribe to theLGBTQ Nation newsletterand be the first to know about the latest headlines shaping LGBTQ+ communities worldwide.