WASHINGTONExpanding its suite of discounted entry options to draw in more visitors, the National Park Service announced Tuesday the rollout of a new annual body-dumping pass for use on federal lands across the country.Officials confirmed the pass covers park admission and day-use fees for the disposal of dead bodies on Americas government-owned nature preserves, including all 63 national parks and other recreational cadaver dump sites managed by the U.S. Department of the Interior. This pass is your ticket to more than 2,000 scenic burial grounds across this great country, Interior Secretary Doug Burgum said. Just $80 a year gives you and up to four victims unlimited access to our many desolate campgrounds, dense areas of brush filled with natural predators, and bodies of water with strong currents.Miles and miles of pristine earth for hiding evidence, Burgum added, right here in our own backyard.Interior Secretary Doug Burgum personally recommended park sites in his native North Dakota as great places to visit after committing murder.According to the NPS, while a 12-month pass might not make sense for Americans who only get rid of one or two bodies a year, serial visitors stand to save hundreds of dollars annually. Previously, single-day access could set guests back nearly $250 in bribes alone.Park officials expressed hope that the new rates would generate enough revenue to allow the facilities to offer amenities like community shovel rentals, while also helping to restore endangered scavenger populations behind the scenes.The Interior Department confirmed the body-dumping pass is part of a larger effort across the agency to court an untapped demographic of potential visitorswho in the past have historically avoided entering the parks through the front gates during daylight hours.Ill admit, its a great place to bring whats left of my family, said Gary Masterson, a first-time visitor of Zion National Park, placing stained clothing items into one of the many accessible fire pits at the remote Lava Point campground. Its nice to get away from the barrage of questioning back home.You really cant beat the austere, magnificent backdrop of these sandstone canyons for digging a hole or chopping up limbs, the former father of two added.With the NPS anticipating an influx of new visitors like Masterson in the coming season, body-dumping passholders are being issued a version of the Leave No Trace conservation principles that detail best practices for concealing ones crimes with minimal disruption to the natural surroundings. The guidelines include reminders to avoid leaving behind weapons or bloody trash bags when finished, and to properly return any brain-splattered bludgeoning rocks to their original location.A preliminary survey found that many longtime parkgoers were interested in switching to the body-dumping pass, with 56% saying they could save a lot of money by tossing Grandmas remains off El Capitan. In addition, 70% suggested they had recently backed over someone in their driveway and needed to make them disappear quickly in a way that looks like an accident, while 94% agreed they would like to see what happens to a bunch of corpses stuffed into a geyser.Several leading conservationists have praised the new campaign as a return to form, claiming the body-dumping pass falls more in line with Theodore Roosevelts original vision for the parks system, which under his stewardship doubled its number of sites even as the U.S. population mysteriously decreased.It was here that the violence of my life began, President Roosevelt once wrote of the 230 million acres of public lands he helped establish during his presidency. Whether its scouting new prey among the hikers at Crater Lake or disemboweling ones fellow man in the Petrified Forest, Americas majestic scenery offers something for everyone.Theres nothing better than looking out over the serene landscape of this beautiful country as you reckon with what youve done, Roosevelt added.The post National Park Service Begins Offering Annual Body-Dumping Pass appeared first on The Onion.