CINCINNATIClaiming that the horrifying near-death experience really put things into perspective, area man Leo York announced Tuesday that a recent heroin overdose served as a wake-up call to keep on doing heroin but just be smarter about it. Thats it. Tomorrow Im buying a digital scale, and from now on Im only using on weekends or after work if it was a super hard day, said York, explaining that the close call had provided him with the clarity to realize he needed to do the hard work of finding a more trustworthy dealer instead of shooting up whatever sketchy back-alley stuff he could score. Waking up in that hospital bed really opened my eyes to the fact that I need to get my shit together and actually measure out how much heroin Im putting on that spoon. Plus, Im done sharing needles, unless I know for sure the guy who used it before me was clean. I mean, Im an adult. I cant be doing smack the way I did in college. Ill even start pounding speed so Im alert enough to get myself to the ER. Trust me, next time I OD itll be with people I trust instead of alone in a Marshalls fitting room. At press time, sources said Yorks plan was totally working, and he was now a fully functional member of society.The post Heroin Overdose Serves As Wake-Up Call To Keep Doing Heroin But Smarter appeared first on The Onion.