WASHINGTONAs they called attention to his alarmingly sallow complexion and rapidly deteriorating brain function, White House officials sought to quell speculation Monday over the bruising on President Donald Trumps right hand by dismissing it as one of the least concerning parts of his body. The discoloration on the presidents hand is superficial and no cause for worryin fact, it is probably one of his healthiest anatomical regions, said White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt, adding that the presidents doctors remain focused on far more urgent health issues, including his grossly bloated midsection, complete lack of bowel control, and hunched-over posture suggestive of a decomposing torso. Rest assured, his hand is not whats going to keep him from fulfilling his duties to the American people. Honestly, if all you are seeing is photos, you dont even know about the stench. That will stick in your nightmares forever. Theres so much gas trapped under the presidents skin that we are praying he doesnt rupture. Officials confirmed the hand would be iced to alleviate the bruising, while the rest of his body would be lightly embalmed.The post White House Downplays Trump Hand Bruise As Least Concerning Part Of Body appeared first on The Onion.