Betty Who is facing some serious backlash after her decision to speak out "in defense" of bisexuality devolved into a regurgitation of homophobic talking points, although in doing so, she unintentionally brought a lot of the recent discourse about queer musicians and lesbian fans into focus.During a recent appearance on the Made It Out podcast, Who spoke with host Mallorie Glownke about her own experiences with queerness and becoming "obsessed with a boy," in relation to JoJo Siwa and Fletcher recently "coming out" as dating men themselves."It doesn't mean that I'm not queer and that I don't represent or love the queer community and exist in the queer community," she said.And if she had left it at that, everything would have been fine. It's unfortunate that queer women who are in relationships with men (or, in Who's case, are married to men) feel the need to reaffirm their bisexuality. But instead, she opted to go on some weird rant about the "alphabet mafia," claiming that the LGBTQ+ community "will never forget it" if someone's sexuality ends up being more fluid than they first thought, and complain that it's practically "a crime to be straight" now.Who then dragged Rene Rapp into the conversation, acknowledging that Rapp, who identifies as a lesbian, says she'll never date a man, but that Who will "also hold space for her if, in 10 years, she goes, 'Oops, I met the love of my life and it's this man, and I didn't mean to.' That's okay. It shouldn't be illegal for you to fall in love."Uh, newsflash Betty: it's not.Having both Siwa and Fletcher out themselves as dating men and making a whole to-do of it has sparked a ton of discourse about sexual fluidity and biphobia, specifically as pertains to celebrity. There's been debate over whether it's okay for queer women, and especially lesbians, to feel disappointed or hurt over pop stars who once celebrated their love of women now celebrating their love of men, and whether they should be embraced in the same way.But one thing that has never been present in that discourse is whether it should be "legal," or even just okay for them to date men. In failing to grasp the actual discussion that's happening, Who wound up falling into a pit of lesbophobia, fueled by her own blinders when it comes to the prejudice the LGBTQ+ community faces both internally and externally. "What grinds my gears as a singularly gay person, I don't have the social fallback, the social safety net of being like, 'Well, I am married to a straight white man,'" TikToker @horacegold said in response to Who's video. "But you do. So inherently, the situation's not the same. You are not speaking for me."There are struggles bisexual women face that lesbians will never understand, but the reverse is also true, as is the fact that bisexual women in relationships with men experience a certain amount of privilege. And while the idea of ranking struggles based on which ones may or may not be more difficult is rarely fruitful, we currently live in an age where queer rights are on the chopping block and same-sex marriage might be up for debate in the U.S. after being legal nationwide for a decade. And that's just the legal side of things. Nobody and I do mean nobody needs to be reminded that it's "okay" to fall in love with someone of the opposite gender. "There are white bisexual women who seem to always be fighting to be seen as valid as queer, whose pain around being queer is largely about the fear of losing community among queer people when theyre with a man," @arielvelz noted that. "So when they do date a man, theyre uncomfortable with the amount of privilege they gain because they still want to be aligned with being in this marginalized group."Anyone who has paid the slightest attention to Siwa's social media since she walked back her lesbian identity and started dating Chris Hughes can tell you how commenters have flocked to tell her how much happier she looks, and how much more like her old self she seems. That sentiment has been echoed in Fletcher's comment section as well, with both serving as a brutal reminder that the default assumption among the general public is still that being in a hetero-presenting relationship is what makes a person happy and healthy. Who's comments about how her own love story with a man is "the best thing that's ever happened to me" combined with how maybe Rapp will eventually fall in love with a man and feel similarly fulfilled only serve to crystallize that sentiment. It was a point of frustration in the public reaction to these other stories that felt more implied than stated outright before now, but Who changed that.And thats the real sting here. Nobody begrudges bisexual women their relationships with men, nor does anyone believe they should perform their sexuality in a way that satisfies fans. But when real life sapphic representation is already so scarce, its not unreasonable for lesbians to feel the loss when an artist who once sang about women suddenly pivots to centering men. Celebrities may view that hurt as an attack on their personal identity, but it's actually about a loss of what they were once putting into the world, through their work or their mere existence in the public eye.This is the heart of the discourse that Who entirely missed in her warped desire to seemingly try to educate queer people on sexual fluidity. Lesbians are constantly asked to "hold space" for bisexuality, and rightly so. But that space isnt reciprocated when lesbians express disappointment at losing visibility instead, it gets reframed as bitterness or biphobia. Who's decision to hold up Rapp as an example of someone who might eventually change her mind flips the burden onto lesbians to defend their identities, while bemoaning having to do the same herself."I do think there is a huge problem with specifically white bisexual women who have fallen in love with men and that has been their experience painting everybody else's experiences with the same brush," @noelleleahh said. "To say, well, this happened for me, so surely it could happen for you, too. Which, again, people are gay, honey. People are gay."The unfortunate fact is that, to the broader public, bisexual celebrities finding "true love" or whatever with someone of the opposite gender still reads as coming out of queerness and embracing the heterosexual destiny that was always waiting for them. It's not right, and it's not fair. It's also not a reason for anyone to deny their true self. But by actively contributing to the narrative that something like that is possible for anyone, all Who has done is highlight exactly why this whole discourse is so frustrating and personal for lesbians. Im sure most of us would love to make space for sexual fluidity and many of us already do, every day, with our own communities that include queer and bisexual people. But that deserves reciprocation. Immovable lesbian sexuality is just as valid, and so is the disappointment when sapphic representation in media and the public eye fades away. That grief isnt about policing anyones relationships. It's not a personal attack. Its about mourning what little space we have in the cultural landscape being chipped away. And "holding space" for us to fall in love with men in the future isn't going to help a damn thing.