Gather round, friends, and lend me your ears! Today, I bring to you a marvelous proposition, one that can become a reality with everyones help. It may seem far-fetched at firstthe ravings of yet another humble dreamer. But I really believe that we can accomplish this as long as we stay united as one. For alone, each of us is just one little person. But together, absolutely nothing can keep us from attaining our desires.So, cmon, everybody, and join in! Theres too many of us for them to stop us from jerking off all at once!Of course, were vulnerable if we stay isolated while rubbing one out. But if we lock arms and touch ourselves, side by side in a public park, then the impossible is possible! We can shout No! at the authority figures who tell us to keep our sexual organs in our pants. We can overcome the powerful who want us to remain flaccid and dry. For nothing they do will ever change this underlying fact: There is strength in our engorged numbers.Some of you might fear the consequences of joining me in this communal act of self-pleasure. I dont blame you. Many of us wont make it to climax, particularly if were arrested for public indecency and dragged away by the police while still desperately pawing at our crotches. But no matter what, dont stop fondling yourself! For even as our brothers- and sisters-in-arms fall, other rock-hard cocks rise in their place, ready to be furiously manipulated in the face of incredible odds.Im going to show you how this is done: Basically, you start touching yourself really slowly. See? Like this. But then go faster and faster. It feels better that way.So how about itsir, are you with me? If so, follow my example. Put your hand in your pants and start beating off! How about you, madam? Will you stand up and say Enough is enough to those who would deny you your pleasure? Then the time has come to begin diddling yourself. After all, one person jerking off in a dark room does nothing, but everyone on the face of the earth jerking off simultaneously?Friends, that can change the world.Not so long ago, I was exactly like many of you: fearful, isolated, and mistaken in my belief of the cynics who said my dreams about group masturbation were impractical. In the darkest of those moments, I tried to cheer myself up by turning to my favorite porn video on xHamster.com, Busty Amateur Sucks And Fucks. It was then that I happened upon the view count: 837,000. Stunned, I checked out my other favorite video, Horny Stepsis Sneaks Into My Room After Yoga. 1.3 million views. Thats when I realized I wasnt alone.Not at all.There are millionsno, billionsof us: decent, hardworking people who just want to play with themselves in public without any consequences and would do exactly that if the elite didnt rely on keeping us disillusioned and sexually repressed. Though each of us is just a single drop in the ocean, if we all band together, we can produce a massive tidal wave of bodily fluid so powerful it can overcome anything.So today I ask you, my brothers and sisters, to ignore the doubters and skeptics and join me. Be you man or woman, teen or elder, I call upon you to plunge your hand into your underwear and start rummaging around. We will either go down tugging and rubbing, or we will enjoy orgasms that will stay with us for eternity.And to those still uncertain of whether to participate, I ask you to recall that all it takes for evil to triumph in this world is for good, horny people like ourselves not to beat off together.The post Cmon, Everybody, Theres Too Many Of Us For Them To Stop Us From Jerking Off All At Once! appeared first on The Onion.