James Talarico is the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate in Texas. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the rising star.Age: WhippersnapperInspirational Backstory: Survived several hours talking to Joe RoganReligion: Oh yeah, lots of thatKey Endorsements: God (Presbyterian), God (Catholic), God (Jewish), and God (Sikh)Level On Grant-Rogers Folksiness Scale: 1.21 Jimmy StewartsVoice Volume: 4Diet: Whatever Moms making tonightWhats Motivating Campaign: Would rather die before going back to teachingThe post Political Profile: James Talarico appeared first on The Onion.