The 98th Academy Awards will take place March 15 at the Dolby Theater. The Onion examines the 10 contenders in this years Best Picture race.BugoniaSynopsis: A conspiracy theorist attempts to uncover a CEOs sinister plot that is oddly devoid of pedophiles.Defining Line: Prepare to be bald, idiot!Prospects: Slim, but they said that about The Broadway Melody back in 1930, and that made us all look like a bunch of fucking idiots.F1Synopsis: Hotshot pilot Maverick must train a new class of Top Gun graduates while coping with the trauma of losing his best friend, Goose.Defining Line: The cars come alive, Ruben! Every night after we go to bed!Prospects: Can you imagine?FrankensteinSynopsis: Come on, everybody read the book in ninth grade.Defining Line: Father, father! My pud fell off! Please mend for Frankenstein!Prospects: Low, as were still holding out hope that The Bad Guys 2 makes a surprise come-from-behind.HamnetSynopsis: A poignant drama that explores Agnes and William Shakespeares loss of their 11-year-old-son, which back then was considered pretty old, all things considered.Defining line: Remember the Alamo.Prospects: This film might just be forgettable enough to pull off the Best Picture win.SinnersSynopsis: Twin brothers return to Mississippi and face a sinister vampire threat while attempting to lose 500 pounds and qualify for bariatric surgery.Defining Line: Brother, look at us, we are being covetous. I guess that makes ussinners.Not sinners, brother. Twinners.Prospects: Bad. The Academy is like 70% vampires.Marty SupremeSynopsis: A cautionary tale about the dangers of giving Timothe Chalamet too much publicity.Defining Line: Pock pock pock.pock.Prospects: Not great Oscar-wise, but the spanking scene cleaned up at the AVNs.One Battle After AnotherSynopsis: Loosely based on Thomas Pynchons Vineland, Paul Thomas Anderson proves he can read.Defining Line: They took my daughter! Quick, start an online petition!Prospects: The Academy could have sworn they awarded this Best Picture already.The Secret AgentSynopsis: A professor fleeing a military dictatorship in Brazil confuses the hell out of your father who thought this was going to be the next Bourne movieDefining Line: Dont worry, you can trust me. Im not a secret agent.Prospects: ICE agents are manning the stage just in case.Sentimental ValueSynopsis: A profoundly resonant family drama written by and for people far smarter than you.Defining Line: Hooten-dooten, bork bork!Prospects: Nothing can stop the long march of Norwegian cultural domination.Train DreamsSynopsis: A wildfire reduces a mans wife and young daughter to ash, freeing him up for an epic boys night.Defining Line: I cant wait until someone invents the internet so I can watch pornography.Prospects: A tossup, as the Academy is big on dreams, but famously unmoved by trains.The post The Onions 2026 Oscars Best Picture Guide appeared first on The Onion.