MILPITAS, CAAfter gradually resigning himself to an evening entirely devoid of physical intimacy, local man Seth Martin observed Friday that his third date with Hinge match Laura Parker was apparently just going to be watching Amlie without any hugs or kisses. Were an hour into the movie and Laura hasnt so much as held my hand or pecked me on the cheek, Martin told reporters, noting that Parker had sat down at the other end of the couch in which he was sitting. Ive tried making eye contact with her at multiple points, but her eyes are firmly glued to the screen. Its like she doesnt even notice Im here. I thought that during the movies more emotional moments, like when Amlie returned that guys box to him, Laura would come over to my side of the couch and maybe rest her head on my shoulder, but no dice. I guess Im just going to be watching Amlie skip stones or whatever until its time for me to leave. At press time, Martin had reportedly let himself out of Parkers apartment after she fell asleep during Amlies love scene with romantic interest Nino Quincampoix.The post Third Date Apparently Just Going To Be Watching Amlie Without Any Hugs Or Kisses appeared first on The Onion.