AUGUSTA, GASaluting the illustrious sportscasters for their passionate work over the course of nearly 40 years in the Augusta National Golf Club broadcast booth, CBS officials announced Sunday that longtime commentators Captain Cooter and the Gooch would be retiring upon conclusion of the 2026 Masters Tournament. Today marks the end of an era as we bid a fond farewell to Robert Captain Cooter Cootinski and Desmond Gooch Maldonadoalso known as El Goochoarguably the finest, raunchiest, sharting-est booth analysts the game of golf has ever known, said CBS Sports president David Berson, praising the two broadcast legends, who, along with their iconic sound effects board and occasional drop-ins from assorted members of the Hole-In-Two Crew, have called every Masters for the network since 1988. Whether theyre challenging Augusta patrons to a Miller Lite chugging contest or yelling, He really knows how to grip his wood! during players opening drives, Captain Cooter and the Gooch are synonymous with the Masters, and their contributions cannot adequately be celebrated. Many golfers have described the pairs foul-mouthed antics, and iconic Queef of the Week call-in segment, as being as memorable as the tournament itself, particularly the time they asked Jack Nicklaus wife what size club he uses when he lands in her rough. And who can forget that iconic moment in 1997 when Tiger Woods tearfully embraced his father after winning the tournament, leading Gooch to sound the Boner Alarm several times? The Masters will never be the same, and so I say, in the words of the Captain himself: Farting is such sweet sorrow. At press time, Coot and Gooch were receiving a thunderous ovation from the Augusta gallery after calling the tournaments final hole and then convincing Jordan Spieth to hit a chip shot off the erect penis of Hole-In-Two Crew mainstay Needle-Dick Norm.The post CBS Announces Retirement Of Longtime Masters Commentators Captain Cooter And The Gooch appeared first on The Onion.