STANFORD, CACalling it a pretty slow one as far as natural selection and genetic drift were concerned, biologists from Stanford University confirmed Tuesday that not much evolution happened today.According to our observations over the past 24 hours, the vast majority of species on earth have pretty much just been holding steady and staying the course, gene-wise, said biologist Clarice Abernathy, adding that the heritable characteristics of eastern chipmunks, sensitive ferns, and nearly all other living organisms were pretty much exactly where they were yesterday. No real genetic curveballs from frogs today, nor any new species of bats or ungulates to report. Nothing crawling out of the ocean to give terrestrial life a shot, either. A house sparrow with venom glands hatched, which could have been interesting, but it got eaten by a cat almost immediately, so thats still a wash for evolution. Oh, and yak hair is, like, half a millimeter shorter now, but you really have to be looking for it to notice.At press time, the biologists were reportedly blasting an armadillo with gamma radiation to see if they couldnt get a little evolution going themselves.The post Biologists Confirm Not Much Evolution Happened Today appeared first on The Onion.