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  • Breaking News shared a link
    2026-01-23 09:15:20 - Translate -
    APNEWS.COM
    Japans Takaichi dissolves parliament after only 3 months in office, setting up snap election
    Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi, center in blue jacket, bows and other lawmakers cheer after dissolving the lower house, during an extraordinary Diet session at the lower house of parliament Friday, Jan. 23, 2026, in Tokyo. (AP Photo/Eugene Hoshiko)2026-01-23T04:02:25Z TOKYO (AP) Japans Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi dissolved the lower house of Parliament on Friday, paving the way for a Feb. 8 snap election.The move is an attempt to capitalize on her popularity to help governing party regain ground after major losses in recent years, but will delay parliamentary approval for a budget that aims at boosting a struggling economy and addressing soaring prices.Elected in October as Japans first female leader, Takaichi has been in office only three months, but she has seen strong approval ratings of about 70%.Takaichis Liberal Democratic Party could still face some challenges as it reels from a series of scandals about corruption and the partys past ties to the controversial Unification Church. But its not clear if the new opposition Centrist Reform Alliance can attract moderate voters while opposition parties are still too splintered to a pose a serious threat to the LDP. Takaichi is also seeing rising animosity with China since she made pro-Taiwan remarks. And U.S. President Donald Trump wants her to spend more on weapons as Washington and Beijing pursue military superiority in the region. The dissolution of the 465-member lower house paves the way for a 12-day campaign that officially starts Tuesday. When house speaker Fukushiro Nukaga declared the dissolution, the assembled parliamentarians stood up, shouted banzai long live three times and rushed out to prepare for the campaign. Takaichi hopes to win majority Takaichis plan for an early election aims to capitalize on her popularity to win a governing majority in the lower house, the more powerful of Japans two-chamber Parliament. The scandal-tainted LDP and its coalition had a slim majority in the more lower house after an election loss in 2024. The coalition lacks a majority in the upper house and relies on winning votes from opposition members to pass its agenda.Opposition leaders criticized Takaichi for delaying passage of a budget needed to fund key economic measures. I believe that the only option is for the people, as sovereign citizens, to decide whether Sanae Takaichi should be prime minister, she told a news conference Monday when announcing plans for the election. Im staking my career as prime minister on it.A hardline conservative, Takaichi wants to highlight differences with her centrist predecessor Shigeru Ishiba.Takaichi stresses that voters need to judge her fiscal spending moves, further military buildup and tougher immigration policies to make Japan strong and prosperous. While an upbeat and decisive image has earned her strong approval ratings and fans of her personal style, the LDP is not popular as it recovers from a political funds scandal. Many traditional LDP voters have shifted to emerging far-right populist opposition parties, such as the anti-globalist Sanseito. China, Trump and corruption scandalsMeanwhile, Japan faces escalating tensions with China after Takaichi made remarks suggesting that Japan could become involved if China takes military action against Taiwan, a self-governing island that Beijing claims as its own. A furious China has increased economic and diplomatic retribution. Takaichi wants to push further a military buildup and spending increases, while Trump has pressured Japan to spend more on defense. Takaichi has a new right-wing coalition partner and faces a divided oppositionTakaichi says she needs a mandate to push policies shes agreed on with her new coalition partner, the right-wing Japan Innovation Party. They struck a deal in October to pursue goals that include a stronger military, continuing male-only imperial succession, and accelerating the reactivation of offline nuclear reactors.Takaichi struck a deal with the JIP after the LDPs long-time ally Komeito, a Buddhist-backed centrist party, left the ruling bloc over her ideological views and reluctance to pursue anti-corruption measures. With the new partners help, she secured just enough votes to become prime minister.Komeito turned to the main liberal-leaning opposition, the Constitutional Democratic Party of Japan, to form the Centrist Reform Alliance just in time for the election. Now is our chance to start the centrist movement, said Yoshihiko Noda, a former prime minister and leader of the Constitutional Democrats. He said the new alliance seeks to achieve a diverse, gender equal and inclusive society with people-first politics, speaking at joint news conference with co-leader Tetsuo Saito, head of Komeito.As divisions and confrontations spread globally and economic disparity widens at home, the new group is promising a realistic security policy and efforts to achieve a nuclear weapons-free world. Opposition groups in Japan are seen as too splintered to win an election, and so far, polling for the alliance is not promising. But Komeitos ability to turn out votes from the Soka Gakkai sect makes it a force to be reckoned with. Takaichi promises results on economy, defense and conservative valuesTakaichi is focusing on the economy, looking to attract voters with measures to address rising prices and stagnant wages, as well as support for low-income households.But the security hawk has also pledged to revise security and defense policies by December to further strengthen the military, and to eliminate arms export restrictions to allow more sales and develop the Japanese defense industry.Her party is also vowing tougher immigration rules and restrictions on foreigners living in Japan to address growing anti-foreign sentiment. Earlier this week, the LDP proposed new immigration policies including tougher requirements for foreign property owners and a cap on the number of foreign residents in Japan. MARI YAMAGUCHI Yamaguchi is based in Tokyo and covers Japanese politics, security, nuclear energy and social issues for The Associated Press. twitter mailto
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  • Breaking News shared a link
    2026-01-23 09:15:20 - Translate -
    APNEWS.COM
    Toll in Irans protest crackdown reaches at least 5,002 dead as Trump says US armada approaching
    People walk at Tehran's historic Grand Bazaar, Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2026, in Iran. (AP Photo/Vahid Salemi)2026-01-23T01:56:39Z DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) The toll in Irans bloody crackdown on nationwide protests has reached at least 5,002 people killed, activists said Friday, warning many more were feared dead as the most comprehensive internet blackout in the countrys history crossed the two-week mark. The challenge in getting information out of Iran persists due to authorities cutting off access to the internet on Jan. 8, even as tensions rise between the United States and Iran as an American aircraft carrier group moves closer to the Middle East a force U.S. President Donald Trump likened to an armada in comments to journalists late Thursday. The U.S.-based Human Rights Activists News Agency offered the death toll, saying 4,716 were demonstrators, 203 were government-affiliated, 43 were children and 40 were civilians not taking part in the protests. It added that more than 26,800 people had been detained in a widening arrest campaign by authorities. The groups figures have been accurate in previous unrest in Iran and rely on a network of activists in Iran to verify deaths. That death toll exceeds that of any other round of protest or unrest in Iran in decades, and recalls the chaos surrounding Irans 1979 Islamic Revolution. Irans government offered its first death toll Wednesday, saying 3,117 people were killed. It added that 2,427 of the dead in the demonstrations that began Dec. 28 were civilians and security forces, with the rest being terrorists. Irans theocracy in the past has undercounted or not reported fatalities from unrest. The Associated Press has been unable to independently assess the death toll, in part due to authorities cutting access to the internet and blocking international calls into the country. Iran also reportedly has limited journalists ability locally to report on the aftermath, instead repeatedly airing claims on state television that refer to demonstrators as rioters motivated by America and Israel, without offering evidence to support the allegation. The new toll comes as tensions remain high over Trump laying down two red lines over the protests the killing of peaceful demonstrators and Tehran conducting mass executions. Irans attorney general and others have called some of those being held mohareb or enemies of God. That charge carries the death penalty. It had been used along with others to carry out mass executions in 1988 that reportedly killed at least 5,000 people.The U.S. military meanwhile has moved more military assets toward the Mideast, including the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln and associated warships traveling with it from the South China Sea. A U.S. Navy official, who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss military movements, said Thursday that the Lincoln strike group is currently in the Indian Ocean.Trump said Thursday aboard Air Force One that the U.S. is moving the ships toward Iran just in case he wants to take action.We have a massive fleet heading in that direction and maybe we wont have to use it, Trump said. Trump also mentioned the multiple rounds of talks American officials had with Iran over its nuclear program prior to Israel launching a 12-day war against the Islamic Republic in June, which saw U.S. warplanes bomb Iranian nuclear sites. He threatened Iran with military action that would make earlier U.S. strikes against its uranium enrichment sites look like peanuts. They should have made a deal before we hit them, Trump added.The United Kingdoms Defense Ministry separately said its joint Eurofighter Typhoon fighter jet squadron with Qatar, 12 Squadron, deployed to the (Persian) Gulf for defensive purposes noting regional tensions.___Associated Press writer Konstantin Toropin in Washington contributed to this report. JON GAMBRELL Gambrell is the news director for the Gulf and Iran for The Associated Press. He has reported from each of the Gulf Cooperation Council countries, Iran and other locations across the world since joining the AP in 2006. twitter instagram mailto
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  • Sports Beat shared a link
    2026-01-23 09:17:01 - Translate -
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    Transfer rumors, news: Saudi league eyes Salah, Vincius Jr. plus 50 more
    The Saudi Pro League has big plans to sign Liverpool's Mohamed Salah and Real Madrid's Vincius Jnior. Transfer Talk has the latest.
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    2026-01-23 09:17:01 - Translate -
    WWW.ESPN.COM
    Alcaraz stays sharp, sweeps past game Moutet
    Corentin Moutet kept Carlos Alcaraz on his toes with a variety of shots, but the 22-year-old Spaniard cruised to a 6-2, 6-4, 6-1 win in their third-round Australian Open match.
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  • Sports Beat shared a link
    2026-01-23 09:17:01 - Translate -
    WWW.ESPN.COM
    LeBron brushes off Buss report: 'Don't really care'
    LeBron James said he wasn't bothered by an ESPN story this week that detailed his allegedly strained relationship with Lakers team governor Jeanie Buss, saying, "I don't care about how somebody feels about me."
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 09:17:17 - Translate -
    WWW.NYTIMES.COM
    After TikTok Deal, Chinese Firms Search for a New Global Path
    Chinese firms must contend with geopolitical tensions and mistrust to do business in the United States. Some are choosing to avoid the U.S. altogether.
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  • ProPublica Investigative Journalism shared a link
    2026-01-23 10:17:03 - Translate -
    WWW.PROPUBLICA.ORG
    ProPublica Publishes Unreleased Data on the Origins of Generic Prescription Drugs
    ProPublica on Friday published never-before-released data connecting generic drugs to the factories that manufactured them. The data powers Rx Inspector, our groundbreaking tool that allows you to find the factories where your generic drugs were made and their Food and Drug Administration inspection track records.The data, which ProPublica created by linking several FDA datasets, has never been made available by the agency before. It will allow anyone to connect prescriptions to the facilities they were manufactured in by linking National Drug Code numbers to FDA Establishment Identifiers of drug manufacturing facilities.You can access the data on Github here.Academic researchers said the data would contribute significantly to research evaluating the quality and supply of generic drugs.This bypasses an incredibly time-consuming barrier for people who want to study drugs and anything to do with manufacturing, said John Gray, a professor at the Ohio State University.Gray and his team are working to assign generic drugs quality scores based on risk. The goal is to help government purchasers, including the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, buy medications based on quality, not just cost.The data also provides some basic information about each facility, like the country its in and the name of the company that registered it.The methods we used to link the FDAs drug and facility identifiers are complex, and are laid out in our full methodology. To obtain some of the data, ProPublica had to sue the agency.We know that much of what is represented here is likely incomplete. It is possible the FDAs information is not up-to-date because, for example, one company acquired another or moved its manufacturing to a different location. However, we believe this is an important first step in shedding light on a process that the agency and drugmakers have sought to keep secret from consumers.We are releasing this data under a Creative Commons license, meaning you may use it for noncommercial purposes as long as you attribute ProPublica and link back to Rx Inspector.Read MoreLook Up Where Your Generic Prescription Drugs Were MadeThe post ProPublica Publishes Unreleased Data on the Origins of Generic Prescription Drugs appeared first on ProPublica.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 10:17:13 - Translate -
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    Whats It Like to Climb a Skyscraper?
    Few climbers take on this niche pursuit, where one mistake could mean death. Three of them talk about its unique mental and physical demands.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 10:17:13 - Translate -
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    No One Should Be Afraid to Say That Jasmine Crockett Cant Win
    Progressives shouldnt let a retrograde style of internet discourse inhibit them from pointing out the obvious.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 10:17:13 - Translate -
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    The Trump Crackup
    Events are being propelled by one mans damaged psyche.
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  • Breaking News shared a link
    2026-01-23 11:15:18 - Translate -
    APNEWS.COM
    US futures slip and world shares are mixed as Japan keeps its key interest rate unchanged
    A person walks in front of an electronic stock board showing Japan's Nikkei index at a securities firm Thursday, Jan. 15, 2026, in Tokyo. (AP Photo/Eugene Hoshiko)2026-01-23T05:15:33Z European shares were mixed after Asian markets advanced Friday as calm was restored after a tumultuous week. U.S. futures turned lower, with the contracts for the S&P 500 and the Dow industrials down 0.1%.Germanys DAX was little changed at 24,852.07, while the CAC 40 in Paris lost 0.2% to 8,129.68. Britains FTSE 100 edged 0.1% higher. In Asian trading, Tokyos Nikkei 225 picked up 0.3% to 53,846.87 after the Bank of Japan kept its key interest rate unchanged, as expected. The central bank just raised the policy rate to 0.75% in December. Wrapping up its policy meeting, it also slightly upgraded its estimates for future inflation and economic growth. The Japanese yen rose against the U.S. dollar, which was trading at 158.15 yen, up from 158.42 yen. With underlying inflation price pressures remaining firm, we expect the Bank of Japan to resume its tightening cycle in the coming months, Abhijit Surya of Capital Economics said in a commentary. Chinese markets also saw moderate gains. The Hang Seng in Hong Kong added 0.5% to 26,749.51, while the Shanghai Composite index was up 0.3%, at 4,136.16. South Koreas Kospi climbed 0.8% to 4,990.07. The benchmark had topped 5,000 for the first time on Thursday but fell back later in the day. In Australia, the S&P/ASX 200 edged 0.1% higher to 8,860.10. Taiwans Taiex jumped 0.7% and the Sensex in India fell 0.9%. On Thursday, the S&P 500 climbed 0.5%, extending its rally after U.S. President Donald Trump called off tariffs on European countries that he said opposed his calls for U.S. control of Greenland. The Dow Jones Industrial Average rose 0.6% and the Nasdaq composite gained 0.9% to 23,436.02.Details were sparse about a deal on Greenland that Trump said he reached with the head of NATO, leaving investors wary of whats to come. Its not signed yet. It was the latest example of Trump making a big, initial threat, only to pull back after a dramatic reaction in financial markets. The pattern has led to the TACO acronym, suggesting that Trump Always Chickens Out if markets react strongly enough. Tuesdays drop for the U.S. stock market was the worst since October and large enough that Trump, who often takes credit when Wall Street is doing well, acknowledged the dip. JPMorgan Chase rose 0.5% after a lawsuit filed by Trump against the bank caused minor ripples for its stock. Trump accused JPMorgan Chase of closing his accounts for political reasons after he left office in 2021.Treasury yields held relatively steady, suggesting foreign investors werent rushing out of the U.S. bond market. Yields got some support from reports on the U.S. economys strength that came in better than expected. One said fewer U.S. workers applied for unemployment benefits last week than economists expected in a potential signal that the pace of layoffs remains low. A second suggested the U.S. economy grew at a faster rate during the summer than the government initially estimated.A third said that inflation in November was close to economists expectations, while spending by U.S. consumers was a touch better than expected. Global markets have calmed following an easing of long-term Japanese government bonds, which had spiked early in the week on worries that Japans Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi might make moves that would add heavily to the governments already big debt. The 40-year Japanese government bond yield slipped back after hitting a record of more than 4%. It was trading at 3.947% early Friday. In other dealings early Friday, the price of gold rose 0.1%, remaining close to the $5,000 level. Silver gained 1.6%. Prices of such precious metals often rise when investors are looking for something safer to own in times of uncertainty. U.S. benchmark crude oil added 69 cents to $60.05 per barrel, while Brent crude, the international standard, was up 71 cents at $64.77 per barrel.The euro slipped to $1.1741 from $1.1755. ELAINE KURTENBACH Based in Bangkok, Kurtenbach is the APs business editor for Asia, helping to improve and expand our coverage of regional economies, climate change and the transition toward carbon-free energy. She has been covering economic, social, environmental and political trends in China, Japan and Southeast Asia throughout her career. twitter mailto
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 11:17:15 - Translate -
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    3 Things to Know About the TikTok Deal, and a New Protest Tactic in Minnesota
    Plus, your Friday news quiz.
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    2026-01-23 11:17:15 - Translate -
    WWW.NYTIMES.COM
    Ukrainian, Russian and U.S. Officials to Meet in Abu Dhabi for Peace Talks
    Ukrainian and Russian negotiators have rarely met directly in the past, instead relying on Americans to mediate, and it was unclear how the talks would play out.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 11:17:15 - Translate -
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    As Iran Grieves, Accounts Emerge of Disrespectful Treatment of Protest Victims
    Witness testimony and videos from Tehrans largest cemetery show disrespectful treatment of the dead after a brutal government crackdown.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 11:17:15 - Translate -
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    Perus President May Be Ousted over Secret Meetings with Chinese Businessmen
    Leaked videos have prompted a scandal involving President Jos Jer and two Chinese men under investigation.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 11:17:15 - Translate -
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    Storm Poses Big Threats to Power Grids Across U.S.
    Managers of electric grids say freezing temperatures and ice and snow could lead to power outages in many places, potentially leaving millions in the dark.
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    2026-01-23 12:17:20 - Translate -
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    A Big Storm
    We explain what you can expect in the winter weather this week.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 12:17:20 - Translate -
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    Winter Storm Forecast: 5 Key Things to Know Across the US
    Here are five key things to know about the forecast.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 12:17:20 - Translate -
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    Enough Is Enough: Hundreds of Minnesota Businesses Take Stand Against ICE
    After protesters called for a pause on economic activity and work to strike against the federal immigration crackdown, many business owners wont open their doors on Friday.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 12:17:20 - Translate -
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    Voters Are Split on Deportations but Disapprove of ICE, Poll Finds
    While roughly half of voters support President Trumps handling of the border between the United States and Mexico, a sizable majority says that ICEs tactics have gone too far.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 12:17:20 - Translate -
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    Increased Scrutiny Leads to an Improved Organ Transplant System
    A crackdown on problems with fairness and safety is achieving results, including a big drop in the number of sick patients being passed over for transplants.
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  • Sports Beat shared a link
    2026-01-23 13:16:56 - Translate -
    WWW.ESPN.COM
    Predictions for rest of MLB offseason: Where will the best ace available sign? Who will make a major trade?
    How will the rest of free agency play out? Here's what our experts think could go down between now and spring training.
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    2026-01-23 13:16:56 - Translate -
    WWW.ESPN.COM
    The new Mets are better than the old Mets -- and we can prove it
    New York will have a new look for 2026. We break down what has changed and whether the team has improved.
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    2026-01-23 13:16:56 - Translate -
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    Who should've made the top 10? What were the biggest surprises?
    Our experts give their thoughts on the top 100 list.
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    2026-01-23 13:16:56 - Translate -
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    2025-26 CFB Player Rank: Which players made the top 100?
    Which players take the top spots? Our college football experts rank the top 100 players from the 2025 season.
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    2026-01-23 13:16:56 - Translate -
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    Top 25 portal classes: Indiana, Texas Tech reload and the Portal King comes to LSU
    These teams nailed their top targets or won a QB battle. Others had to reload at quite a few positions.
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    2026-01-23 13:17:07 - Translate -
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    Trump Says He Bruised His Hand on a Table
    The president also said he was prone to bruising because of the high dose of aspirin he has taken daily for three decades.
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    2026-01-23 13:17:07 - Translate -
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    Days Before His Suicide, Hemingways Hopeful Note to Sister Immaculata
    In 1961, the author inscribed a book for the sister, a nurse who cared for him at the Mayo Clinic. Her copy of The Old Man and the Sea is being donated to the Nobel Museum.
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    2026-01-23 13:17:07 - Translate -
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    Jasmine Crockett and James Talarico Face Off in a Texas Senate Primary Campaign
    Two of the Democrats rising stars, Jasmine Crockett and James Talarico, are seeing if a red state should be won courting disaffected Republicans or focusing on the partys base.
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    2026-01-23 13:17:07 - Translate -
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    After Pleas From Mamdani and Hochul, Talks Resume in Nurses Strike
    Nearly 15,000 health care workers in New York have been off the job since last week in a labor action affecting some of the citys major hospitals.
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    2026-01-23 13:17:07 - Translate -
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    New York City Could Get a Foot of Snow. Mamdani Knows Its a Test.
    Plenty of New York City mayors have faced blowback over their handling of blizzards. In several appearances this week, Mayor Zohran Mamdani has sought to show he is prepared.
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  • Nature News shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:15:59 - Translate -
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    What a $1-billion pledge means for CERNs ambitious supercollider plans
    Nature, Published online: 23 January 2026; doi:10.1038/d41586-026-00233-4New director-general Mark Thomson discusses fundraising efforts and future priorities for Europes particle-physics laboratory.
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  • Sports Beat shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:03 - Translate -
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    Scoring is up, freshmen are elite, more storylines shaping men's basketball
    The good (Nebraska), not-so-good (Kentucky) and interesting (dominant freshmen) of the 2025-26 season so far.
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    2026-01-23 14:17:03 - Translate -
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    Ranking the NFL's best offensive, defensive coordinator openings, plus intel on top candidates
    There are currently more than a dozen offensive and defensive coordinator openings around the NFL. What are the most desirable jobs, and who could land them?
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    2026-01-23 14:17:03 - Translate -
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    Our guide to both NFL conference championship games: Storylines, X factors and bold predictions
    Drake Maye vs. Jarrett Stidham. Matthew Stafford vs. Sam Darnold. We have picks, stats to know and more for the AFC and NFC title games.
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    2026-01-23 14:17:03 - Translate -
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    Premier League Power Rankings: Rating all 20 teams on performances, not results
    In the debut of ESPN's Premier League Power Rankings, a look at all 20 teams, including why Liverpool, Chelsea and Tottenham are better than the table suggests.
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    2026-01-23 14:17:03 - Translate -
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    Laurens' weekend preview: Can Carrick stop Arsenal? Arbeloa faces another test, more
    Man United look to upset Arsenal, Real Madrid face a tough test, and there's a race for second in the WSL.
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    2026-01-23 14:17:13 - Translate -
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    Democrats Seek Maxwell Prison Visit, Citing Preferential Treatment
    House Democrats told the attorney general that more than a dozen whistle-blowers had come forward with reports of Ghislaine Maxwell receiving perks in prison.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:14 - Translate -
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    Trump Says U.S. Armada Is Heading to Iran
    President Trump said the United States was watching Iran and sending a naval force there, despite also saying this week that his threats had halted executions.
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    2026-01-23 14:17:14 - Translate -
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    The Message Behind Trumps Lawsuit Against JPMorgan
    The presidents legal efforts against the Wall Street giant and Jamie Dimon, its chief executive, have put Corporate America on edge.
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  • The New York Times shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:14 - Translate -
    WWW.NYTIMES.COM
    Driving in Winter? Follow These Expert Tips to Arrive Safely.
    A storm is expected to bring hazardous driving conditions to much of the United States this weekend. Stay home if you can, but those who must travel should take it slow.
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  • The Onion shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:14 - Translate -
    THEONION.COM
    House Burping Gains Popularity In U.S.
    The trend of house burping, based on the German practice of lften or briefly opening windows to refresh indoor air, has taken off in the U.S., with proponents claiming the practice improves air quality. What do you think?Am I the only one milking my apartment?Jenna Ainsworth, Corn ShuckerBut that lets all the Febreze out.Deon McKenna, Shelf OrganizerNo need to complicate things. Just move to a fresh house every three days.Mark Laury, Aeronautic SociologistThe post House Burping Gains Popularity In U.S. appeared first on The Onion.
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  • The Onion shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:14 - Translate -
    THEONION.COM
    Diana Chin and Tim Galchot
    Chin married Galchot in what is being described as a decisive coup dtat against the grooms 13-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.The post Diana Chin and Tim Galchot appeared first on The Onion.
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  • The Onion shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:14 - Translate -
    THEONION.COM
    Onus Of Giving Parents Grandchildren Placed On Least Fucked-Up Sibling
    DENVERAcknowledging the grim reality of their underwhelming romantic prospects, chronic disorganization, and lackluster employment outlook, the adult Patterson children confirmed Friday that the onus of giving their parents grandchildren had been placed on the least fucked-up sibling. At least Liz has a job and lives in her own apartment, said oldest sibling Matthew Patterson, adding that his younger sister was the only child without a criminal record or suffering from a crippling addiction to drugs or alcohol. Im pretty sure Liz even has health insurance. Tyler lives in a total fucking shithole with like eight roommates. Every surface is covered in empty beer bottles and overflowing ashtrays. Thats no place for a child, not even the total dud that Tyler would probably father. Honestly, Liz is the only one who would probably stick around to raise the kid. Plus, shes actually been in a relationship that lasted longer than a drunken one-night stand. She definitely has what it takes to become a shitty parent. At press time, Liz Patterson was reportedly borrowing money from her parents to pay for an abortion.The post Onus Of Giving Parents Grandchildren Placed On Least Fucked-Up Sibling appeared first on The Onion.
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  • The Onion shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:14 - Translate -
    THEONION.COM
    Stephen Miller Rings In Weekend By Cracking Open Cold Cadaver
    The post Stephen Miller Rings In Weekend By Cracking Open Cold Cadaver appeared first on The Onion.
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  • The Onion shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:14 - Translate -
    THEONION.COM
    Artist Profile: A$AP Rocky
    Rapper A$AP Rocky has released Dont Be Dumb, his first album in eight years. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist.Genre: Brand collaborationFamous Relatives: Rihannas kidsBiggest Career Risk: Nodding off during Smurfs premiereCitations From Massachusetts Department Of Fish And Game: ThreePersonal Style: Businessman who sprinted through a silk scarf storeFavorite Thing To Do On Phone: Press 1 to confirm Rihannas ob-gyn appointmentRecurring Nightmare: Looking down and realizing he showed up to the Met Gala completely nakedReview Of Sweden: Good food, weird locals, three starsThe post Artist Profile: A$AP Rocky appeared first on The Onion.
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  • Apartment Therapy shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:15 - Translate -
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    I Put a Toast Rack in My Living Room, and It Was So Clever
    My new favorite storage hack!READ MORE...
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  • Apartment Therapy shared a link
    2026-01-23 14:17:15 - Translate -
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    The Clean and Treat Trick Is the Best Way to Complete Any Task
    Once you try it, you'll never go back!READ MORE...
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  • Sports Beat shared a link
    2026-01-23 15:17:10 - Translate -
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    Sources: CFP to remain at 12 teams next season
    The College Football Playoff will remain a 12-team field next season, sources told ESPN's Pete Thamel.
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  • Sports Beat shared a link
    2026-01-23 15:17:10 - Translate -
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    Ex-Eagles lineman Johnson dies at homeless site
    Former Eagles defensive lineman Kevin Johnson died from "blunt head trauma and stab wounds" at a homeless encampment, according to a Los Angeles medical examiner.
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